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Burl Source
05-30-2013, 05:10 PM
On June 8th there will be a drawing to see who wins $100 credit in our web store. This way you can select just about anything you want and finally get some respectable handles on your knives.

Here is how the contest works.
Make a post with your guess what type of wood this is. Only one guess. The post number is your entry.
I will use the random number generator at random.org to pick the winning post number. This way everyone has a chance to win.

You can make additional entries to increase your chances by posting a new joke, funny story or something entertaining.

The wood is a native Oregon hardwood. But, it doesn't usually look like this.

http://i901.photobucket.com/albums/ac219/burlsource/413/cb001_zpsbaf8288b.jpg

Twistington
05-30-2013, 05:24 PM
I'm guessing Madrone... and that's just a guess based on nothing. :)

El Pescador
05-30-2013, 05:32 PM
maple

Don Nguyen
05-30-2013, 05:37 PM
It's uhm, er, eh, dur.... big leaf.

cheflarge
05-30-2013, 05:40 PM
Maple

Mucho Bocho
05-30-2013, 05:42 PM
I'm going with Oregon Walnut

Jmadams13
05-30-2013, 05:43 PM
Pecan

skiajl6297
05-30-2013, 05:47 PM
Cascara

Burl Source
05-30-2013, 05:48 PM
You guys really stink at the wood ID so how about some jokes?

mr drinky
05-30-2013, 05:57 PM
Buckeye burl.

k.

xuz
05-30-2013, 06:01 PM
I am going to guess Myrtlewood.

Brad Gibson
05-30-2013, 06:03 PM
Spalted Maple

Lucretia
05-30-2013, 06:40 PM
OK, how about a chemistry joke:

Two men walk into a bar. The first man says "I'd like a glass of H2O!"

The second man says, "I'd like a glass of H2O, too!"

The second man dies.

Dream Burls
05-30-2013, 06:54 PM
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

bathonuk
05-30-2013, 07:05 PM
Maybe it's spalted black ash?

Lucretia
05-30-2013, 07:10 PM
Ever hear of the ooooOOOOOAAAahhhh Bird? Only bird known that lays square eggs.

Von blewitt
05-30-2013, 07:11 PM
Spalted Redwood

mkriggen
05-30-2013, 07:34 PM
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

John Kerry walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?" :rofl2:

mkriggen
05-30-2013, 07:35 PM
Rare northwestern mango?

ThEoRy
05-30-2013, 07:46 PM
Redwood.

Mike9
05-30-2013, 07:59 PM
A Priest a Rabbi and an Imam walk into a bar . . . the bartender says: "what is this a freakin' joke?"

mainaman
05-30-2013, 08:16 PM
maple

tkern
05-30-2013, 08:54 PM
A bear walks into a bar, walks up to the bartendered and says "I'll have a gin.......................and tonic."
Bartender says "Whats with the big pause?"
Bear looks down at his hands and says "Oh, I've had them all my life."

Walnut

Burl Source
05-30-2013, 09:10 PM
Finally.....a common wood that nobody can identify.
Keep the jokes coming.
Now I have an excuse for unexplained laughter coming from my office.
Once in a while my boss will poke his head in and ask who I am talking to.
I just answer that I am talking to myself, but I expect him to stick up for me if an argument breaks out.

Eric
05-30-2013, 10:34 PM
Alder

Pensacola Tiger
05-30-2013, 11:32 PM
Spalted myrtlewood.

foodaholic
05-30-2013, 11:35 PM
walnut

turbochef422
05-31-2013, 12:03 AM
Redwood

Dave Martell
05-31-2013, 12:14 AM
Spalted Oregon White Oak

cclin
05-31-2013, 12:16 AM
A drunk man fell from a 3rd floor room to the ground.
A nearby cop heard the commotion and rushed over. He asked the drunk man what happened.
The drunk man replied "Don't know man, I just got here too."

theLawlCat
05-31-2013, 12:17 AM
spalted and mutated poplar

cclin
05-31-2013, 12:38 AM
Oak burl...

One day, mama fly and baby fly was having lunch together.
Baby fly asked "Why do we have to eat poops all the time?"
Mama fly angrily replied "Don't use such unsavory word at the table. Hurry and eat while it's still hot and fresh."

kalaeb
05-31-2013, 12:45 AM
Is it Chestnut?

miketayl0r
05-31-2013, 12:47 AM
spalted oregon ash!?!?!

Customfan
05-31-2013, 12:56 AM
Madrone Burl... :scratchhead:

chinacats
05-31-2013, 03:32 AM
Cherry?

Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?






A: There are M&M shells all over the floor.

Notaskinnychef
05-31-2013, 04:16 AM
umm..... Chinkapin?

bathonuk
05-31-2013, 04:45 AM
Did you hear about the cheese-grater Stevie Wonder's wife got him for his birthday?

Most violent book he's ever read.

marc4pt0
05-31-2013, 05:02 AM
Joining the maple train on this one. But I'm terrible at recognizing woods, except for buckeye for obvious reasons

Dusty
05-31-2013, 05:46 AM
Walnut burl? Worth a shot...

Dusty
05-31-2013, 05:48 AM
Ok, a joke - helps to read this one aloud:

Q: Why do you only eat one egg for breakfast in France???

A: Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

Boom!

stevenStefano
05-31-2013, 08:42 AM
Walnut

Man walks into a cake shop and there's a sign saying all cakes £5.

He says I'll take that one there. Man behind the counter says that costs £10

Why?

That's madeira cake

Dream Burls
05-31-2013, 09:39 AM
A couple are on vacation in Russia and they are touring the Parliament Building. When they come outside it's precipitating and their guide, Rudolph says "It's raining". "Oh no" the man says, "it's snowing. To which his wife replies, "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear."

Line cooked
05-31-2013, 10:26 AM
Myrtle

NO ChoP!
05-31-2013, 10:44 AM
Maybe some kind of fruit or nut tree? Apple wood burl?

knyfeknerd
05-31-2013, 02:28 PM
Willow!

bikehunter
05-31-2013, 03:06 PM
Buckeye balsa

Steel in Texas
05-31-2013, 04:24 PM
I'll hop on the Myrtlewood train.

Duckfat
05-31-2013, 04:59 PM
Spalted Maple.

An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walk into a bar.
Each orders a pint of beer.
A Fly lands in the Englishman's beer, turning slightly green, he pushes his beer away and asks for another one.
A second fly lands in the Scottsman's beer.
The Scott takes the fly out, shruggs, and drinks his beer.
A third fly lands in the Irishman's beer.
Outraged the Irishman plucks the fly from his brew, pinches the fly between his fingers and yells....
"SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"

scotchef38
05-31-2013, 06:54 PM
Hickory.

pumbaa
05-31-2013, 07:36 PM
red wood?

Lucretia
05-31-2013, 07:59 PM
Fraxinus latifolia

SpikeC
05-31-2013, 11:02 PM
pyrus salicilfolia pendula

SpikeC
05-31-2013, 11:05 PM
I was gonna say balsa!

chinacats
06-01-2013, 01:42 PM
myrtlewood?



What do you call a fish without an eye?





fsh

mhlee
06-01-2013, 01:53 PM
Spalted Oregon Black Oak Burl.

Pensacola Tiger
06-01-2013, 01:56 PM
Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"

Husband - "I'm so sorry, honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband - "Fine. We finished in under four hours, then I had a quick beer in the Clubhouse. I hopped in the car, and would have been here at noon, but on the way home, I spotted a girl half my age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it - Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room here, and suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the talking stopped....and well, it must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth....you got it."

Wife - "Bull! You played 36 holes, didn't you!"

VanIsleSteve
06-01-2013, 03:10 PM
Oregon Myrtle

wilburh
06-01-2013, 03:58 PM
Two small town octogenarians met on the sidewalk and stuck up a conversation. One asks the other, "Hey, was that you or your brother that died?"

Osage orange - bodock around here.

cclin
06-01-2013, 04:25 PM
Girl: If we get married, will you quit smoking?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: How about your drinking? Will you quit it too?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: No more night clubs as well?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Anything else you'll give up for me?
Boy: The idea of getting married.

knyfeknerd
06-01-2013, 04:26 PM
How do you hide money from a hippie?

Put it under the soap!

SpikeC
06-01-2013, 09:06 PM
Speaking of golf:


Tom decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Tom gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't”

knyfeknerd
06-01-2013, 09:35 PM
“Even after 20 years of marriage, there is still this tension between my wife’s father and me. He’s always giving me a look like, ‘You’re having sex with my daughter.’ And I’m always giving him a look like, ‘Barely.’ ” — Brian Kiley

knyfeknerd
06-01-2013, 09:35 PM
“I wonder if Jeremy Irons ever quietly laughs to himself while he’s ironing.” — Jon Friedman

knyfeknerd
06-01-2013, 09:38 PM
“I know I’m not mentally qualified to own a gun, because at least five times a day I think, ‘I wish I had a gun right now.’ ” — Jim Norton

bkultra
06-01-2013, 09:41 PM
Quercus garryana, aka White Oak?

Lefty
06-01-2013, 10:05 PM
My guess is juniper.

mr drinky
06-01-2013, 10:29 PM
Norwegian Joke.

Sven and Ole are standing on the 18th tee playing their club golf championship. They are the final twosome and tied for the lead. The 18th hole is a beautiful par three with a deep valley descending down with a slight dogleg right with the green disappearing beyond some trees.

Both Sven and Ole hit perfect, fading tee shots which disappear down into the valley and out of view towards the green. As they are walking toward the green, they see a ball about six inches from the hole, and after looking a bit more they realize that the other ball is in the hole: a hole in one.

Sven and Ole then ask each other what type of ball were they playing, and they both say they are playing Titlist #4 balls. They pull the ball out of the whole and sure enough it is a Titlist #4 and the other ball six inches away from the hole is also a Titlist #4. Sven and Ole look at each other and have no way of figuring out which ball is whose.

Sven looks at Ole and says, "We had better get a ruling from a tournament official to straighten this out." "This is the club championship and we don't want to be disqualified for making a mistake and hitting the wrong ball." "After all, we are tied for the lead."

Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two #4 Titlist golf balls. He then looks up at Sven and Ole and says, "Well, which one of you would be playing the orange ball?"

Burl Source
06-02-2013, 02:04 PM
Great Jokes and much better guesses on the wood id.

mr drinky
06-02-2013, 03:08 PM
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrots?

Next wood guess: douglas fir.

k.

panda
06-03-2013, 03:47 AM
cedar

Datchley
06-03-2013, 04:31 PM
quilted western maple

kpeddie2010
06-04-2013, 08:15 AM
White oak

cclin
06-04-2013, 08:28 AM
First day of the American History class, the professor asked the students to study 5 chapters regarding Citizens' Rights.
Next day, he called a student and asked him to list 10 Citizens' Rights. The Student didn't reply.
Fine, the professor said, tell me 5 then. The student still kept quiet.
Giving up hope, the professor finally said, how about just one?
The student replied "I have the right to remain silent."

NO ChoP!
06-04-2013, 08:48 AM
True story:
I go to a walk in clinic, where the pretty Asian doctor tells me to unclothe and put the cloth rob on, handing it to me.
Well, I take off my cloths, unfold the rob to find out, it's actually just a big sqaure cloth...
Standing there naked, not sure what to do, there's a soft knock on the door, and the doctor re-enters.
At that moment, I decided to own it; I turned to her, arms at my side, in all my nude, hairy fatness, and proclaimed with a cheesy smile, "it wasn't a robe".
She was more embarrassed than I.

kpeddie2010
06-04-2013, 09:03 AM
how do u get four girls on one chair? turn it upside down

kpeddie2010
06-04-2013, 09:07 AM
theres three guys stranded in a desert and the stumble upon a genie in a lamp. the genie says since theres three of you i will grant each one of you a wish.
1st guys wishes to be in a supermarket so he can cool down and buy all the food and drinks he wants.
2nd guy wishes to be on a nice beach in hawaii where he could jump in the water and see all the lovely girls since he hasnt seen one for a while cuz he was stranded in the desert
3rd guy wishes for a car door because he wants to roll it down and feel the breeze roll through his hair.

kpeddie2010
06-04-2013, 09:11 AM
Knock Knock! Who's there? Lettuce Lettuce who? Lettuce in
Knock Knock Who's there? Olive! Olive who? Olive you!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, but I'd like some peanuts!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Ice cream ! Ice cream who ? Ice cream if you don't let me in !
Knock Knock Who's there? Pecan! Pecan who? Pecan somebody your own size!
Knock Knock. Who's there? Bison! Bison who? Bison girl scout cookies!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Water ! Water who ? Water way to answer the door !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Figs ! Figs who ? Figs the doorbell, it's broken
Knock Knock Who's there ! Four Eggs! Four Eggs who ? Four Eggs ample !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Banana ! Banana who ? Banana split so ice creamed !
Knock, Knock Who's there? Pudding! Pudding who? Pudding your shoes on before your trousers is a silly idea!
Knock knock. Who's there? Ketchchup Ketchchup who? Kethchup to me and I will tell you.
Knock Knock Who's there? orange orange who? orange you going to answer the door?
Knock Knock Who's there? Plums! Plums who? Plums me that we'll always be friends!
Knock Knock Who's there? Sweden! Sweden who? Sweden the coffee!
Knock Knock Who's there? Muffin! Muffin who? Muffin the matter with me, how about you?
Knock Knock Who's there? Orange juice! Orange juice who? Orange juice going to talk to me!

kpeddie2010
06-04-2013, 09:20 AM
next guess juniper

DeepCSweede
06-04-2013, 09:30 AM
Red Cedar

mr drinky
06-04-2013, 09:42 AM
I went to college in Kentucky, and there was this old econ professor who was talking about when he relocated to Kentucky for his job. He was in front of class (intro micro), and talking about some crazy stuff he had heard about Kentucky and Appalachia. So he goes on: "I heard that they have sex with cows and horses and sheep out there. I've even heard some stories where they have had sex with goats, and occasionally pigs too -- both domestic and ferrel. And even though it breaks your heart, people around here have been known to commonly have sex with dogs and cats. Then this one time a person told me that it has been told that in certain parts people have sex with chickens."

At this point, a kid in the back of the room yells out rather shocked, chiiiiiiiikens???

You see, some people just have different values.

k.

Wood guess: aspen burl.

snowbrother
06-04-2013, 10:05 AM
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

*bows* I will walk away now as the sound of crickets covers my escape. As I do, I make the guess: Tanoak.

DeepCSweede
06-04-2013, 10:40 AM
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.

"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."

"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."

DeepCSweede
06-04-2013, 10:41 AM
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet, and he's got no clothes on!"

He slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife. He rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the floor.

"You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

toddnmd
06-06-2013, 09:22 AM
My guess is white oak . . .

Dave Martell
06-06-2013, 11:35 PM
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?" She says, "What's that?" He says, "We go to my house and have sex, then you disappear." :D

GlassEye
06-07-2013, 07:12 PM
Walnut

Lucretia
06-07-2013, 08:02 PM
You guys from New York and Canada won't like this one, but I bet the guys from Florida will think it's funny.

Having a Beer Florida Style

A Floridian, a New Yorker and a Canadian are in a bar one night having a beer.

The New Yorker drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In New York our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice".

The Canadian drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Canada we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice".

The Floridian picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the New Yorker and the Canadian.

He says "In Florida we have so many New Yorkers and Canadians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice".

Lucretia
06-07-2013, 08:16 PM
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the necessary tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.

After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. From the heavens a voice boomed


''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''


Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed


''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''


This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. She started another hole and once again the voice said


''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''


The terrified blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''


''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

PierreRodrigue
06-07-2013, 08:22 PM
spalted willow burl

mano
06-07-2013, 11:04 PM
chestnut

daveb
06-07-2013, 11:41 PM
Yellerwood?

daveb
06-07-2013, 11:42 PM
A beautiful and obviously distraught woman is on the edge of a cliff yelling that she is going to jump and kill herself.

A wandering bum comes by and says " Hey, if you are going to kill yourself how about having sex with me first? ".

The woman screams out " No way in Hell! Get lost, you pervert ".

The bum replies " Okay, I'll just wait for you at the bottom ".

Lucretia
06-08-2013, 12:46 AM
A bright young fresh-out-of-school auditor joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders. He was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books, the taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun at the Rabbi's expense.

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then,they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer.

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we send them to the I.R.S."

"The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, " the I.R.S. ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

Lucretia
06-08-2013, 12:52 AM
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes when a large blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?"

The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.

"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued,
"and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize.

The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister. I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"

rsacco
06-08-2013, 12:53 AM
Spalted Oregon Maple Burl

Lucretia
06-08-2013, 12:54 AM
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note.... Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!

Lucretia
06-08-2013, 01:00 AM
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

Chuckles
06-08-2013, 05:19 AM
What did the general do with his armies?

He put them in his sleevies.

:clown:

Chuckles
06-08-2013, 05:21 AM
any Star Trek Next Generation Fans?

Who is Indiana Jones?

Harrison Ford.

Who is Indiana Troy?


Commander Riker.

:clown:

mano
06-08-2013, 07:06 AM
A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."

mano
06-08-2013, 07:11 AM
An older couple went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it.

When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected with the elderly, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave.

Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicare."

Dusty
06-08-2013, 07:16 AM
I entered an online competition for the best word play jokes. I entered ten times.

I thought I would have won,

but no pun-in-ten-did.

Burl Source
06-08-2013, 01:44 PM
The drawing will be this afternoon around 5 PST.
So there is still plenty of time for any last minute jokes.

Don Nguyen
06-08-2013, 02:31 PM
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?





...a carrot!

Mr.Magnus
06-08-2013, 02:42 PM
A sheap was standing on a hill, another sheap comes by and says Bahh, the other one says S**T that's what i was going to say.

Bill13
06-08-2013, 03:17 PM
Spalted Tanoak

Burl Source
06-08-2013, 09:49 PM
Congratulations theLawlCat
The random number generator selected #31 as the winning post.

Type of wood......I don't know.
I know it is a variety of Oregon Oak that has spalted.
Most likely white oak. Kind of weird in a good way.

NO ChoP!
06-09-2013, 12:43 AM
Doh!!! Trick question!!!!!

knyfeknerd
06-09-2013, 01:28 AM
congrats lawlcat!
Thanks for the contest Mark!

Dusty
06-09-2013, 04:16 AM
Congrats lawlcat. You'll have to post some photos of whatever you do with the wood. :)

Burl Source
06-09-2013, 03:57 PM
I sent a PM to the winner.
We will give a few days waiting for a response.
If I don't hear anything by Tuesday afternoon, then there will be a new drawing.

Thank You to everyone who entered.
Those of you who guessed some sort of oak, good guess. This wasn't an easy one.

Those of you who posted jokes, thank you.
I really enjoyed most of them.

mr drinky
06-09-2013, 06:56 PM
Congrats lawlcat. And for what it is worth, if he doesn't answer, I think cclin (charles) should get it as he had the posts both before and after #31.

k.

cclin
06-09-2013, 07:52 PM
thanks, Karring. I think new drawing is more fair if lawlcat is not response. I enter this contest just for fun:biggrin:

mr drinky
06-09-2013, 09:58 PM
thanks, Karring. I think new drawing is more fair if lawlcat is not response. I enter this contest just for fun:biggrin:

Yeah, you're right. I was just highlighting your almost good luck (or bad luck) -- depending upon how one looks at it ;)

I'm sure the winner will step forward.

k.

Burl Source
06-11-2013, 09:23 PM
Well..... the Lawlcat hasn't been around for about a week.
I tried sending a PM and no response and I am unable to send an email because they are not set up to receive emails.

So......we will try again with another drawing.
The new winner is post #92. Congratulations DaveB.
If that is you, send me a PM with your first and last name.
Make sure you are registered in the web store so I can post your store credit.

theLawlCat
06-12-2013, 06:54 PM
darn darn darn, out of town for the last week and didn't log on. Wow I feel dumb

theLawlCat
06-12-2013, 06:54 PM
No hard feelings though congrats to #92

Burl Source
06-12-2013, 07:06 PM
I was on the phone with Dave and he was willing to give thelawlcat more time.
Then I got a PM from the cat.
So......theLawlcat still wins the $100 store credit prize.
and Dave gets a block of stabilized Bog Oak as 2nd place for being so cool about everything.

daveb
06-12-2013, 07:18 PM
Kewl! Timing was a almost bizare, glad it worked out all the way around. Many thanks Mark.

Regards,

Dave

theLawlCat
06-12-2013, 07:18 PM
First of all, everyone is really nice here and this is a great place. I really want to apologize for being absent for the last week, very busy and I honestly didn't think I had any chance of winning so it went to the back of my mind.

But I absolutely insist on splitting the prize money with Dave, I would not feel good about myself at all otherwise.

Burl Source
06-12-2013, 09:29 PM
Sorry about mixing things up with the contest but it looks like everything is going to work out well for both of the winners.

theLawlcat,
You did good on your first three handles. I am looking forward to seeing what you do next.
So don't forget to post photos of the handles you do with the prize wood.

theLawlCat
07-16-2013, 07:25 PM
Got some cool looking walnut with the prize money. Still have enough for another handle. Thanks Mark for putting on these contests.

http://i1339.photobucket.com/albums/o713/theLawLcat/photocopy2_zps1a477cf5.jpg

http://i1339.photobucket.com/albums/o713/theLawLcat/photo_zps117f49a2.jpg

Burl Source
07-17-2013, 12:42 AM
Great looking handle.