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knyfeknerd
01-13-2014, 02:07 AM
What are some of the terms you use for mise/whatevz in the kitchen at the J.O.B.?
It sometimes changes depending on where you work, but some are the same no matta where......
.....Here are just a few:

Asparagus-Grass
Short Ribs-Shorty
Squash soup-Sqwoop
French Onion-Foss
Foie Gras is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS either-fwaaaaaahhhh!!!!(in a kung-fu tone) or Fwuuuhhhaaa???(in a Scooby-Doo voice)
The broiler is the sally(the infrared one is aka "the breadkilla")
Mac & Chz is Mac
If the Mac is in the sally, it is ALWAYS sung to the tune of Aerosmith's Back in the saddle again-"Mac in the sally again"
Mussels are Brussels and vice versa
The cheese plate is either a cheesecake or a cheesesteak(which isn't even on the menu)
Chinois-Chinosis
If I'm behind you, I'll probably just say "nice ass"

There's a ton I can't think of right now, and yes we're weird.
Whatcha got?

Geo87
01-13-2014, 02:55 AM
Nice thread :)

Asparagus- sparrows ass
Microwave - magic box
Chicken foccacia- chicken f***er
Chicken breast- boobs
Not sure who started it but instead of the traditional oui- oui ai...like your Scottish

We have also taken to yelling out opa!
In Greek it is an amazing word , it is an exclamation of joy like hell yeah. But also can mean oh no. A perfect word for us. Oh and we are not Greek in any way

Salmon is always : slammin
Lemon grass: lemon ass
Carrying something hot and approaching from behind is perfect for -HOT behind

There is more ... That's off the top of my head

knyfeknerd
01-13-2014, 02:58 AM
Microwave=Chef Mike

sachem allison
01-13-2014, 03:09 AM
inappropriate kitchen slang " trout walkin back( you can figure out the rest)
up your ass" behind you
bump and grind" behind you without warning usually a server.
perro" busser
chihuahua" smaller busser
"Don" oldest badass line cook
"pato" I work in Chelsea, NY so, it is a polite way of saying you walk like a duck( you figure out the rest)
I find my latino staff is very creative with various versions of the same theme. They seem to have dozen different ways to talk about your sexual preferences whether, it is bestial, mineral, incestuous, oedipal, homosexual, straight or auto-erotic.
unusually large carrots " horse c#&ks " unusually small carrots " Alex's c#4k

I include this all as my mise names because, frankly all of it including the guys are my mise en place.

Geo87
01-13-2014, 03:44 AM
Beef cheeks: cheeky meat
Lamb saddle : lamb straddle
Chefuccino: the inevitable way we drink out coffee... Take two sips, forget about it. Let it develop a skin, go cold... Realise you had a coffee... Drink your chefuccino

And the word oui must be said with great enthusiasm and strange accents. In a large kitchen I worked in when dockets were called and 16 different oui! Were belted back at random new guys just about piss themselves with fear :)
Obviously not on every ticket. My favourite would be waaaaaahh like your doing karate

Geo87
01-13-2014, 05:20 AM
Raped : very busy service.
Fisted : very very busy, painful service.
Gang raped: extremely busy service with potential permanent emotional scaring.

chefcomesback
01-13-2014, 05:49 AM
Raped : very busy service.
Fisted : very very busy, painful service.
Gang raped: extremely busy service with potential permanent emotional scaring.
I have more explicit versions of those definitions which will likely to be censored ...
my all time favorites are
chef Mike : microwave
baptise: nappe with butter
hot mofo: oven door is open behind you

Dusty
01-13-2014, 06:41 AM
"**** and Balls!'' - sir, please move so I can get into the fridge you're standing in front of.
"Big dick" - sir
"Calaminkya" - Calamari
"Goat turd" - goat's milk curd
"Mixy - or Mixamitosis" - Mixed Grill
"Cheese erection" - Cheese selection

...and that's just the current menu.

Chef Andy
01-13-2014, 07:02 AM
microwave - the nuker
balsamic - balls
home fries - homies
wire fryer strainer - spider
parsley - grass or weed

marc4pt0
01-13-2014, 07:56 AM
Balsamic- ball sack
Fryer- sauté box
Foie Gras- Fooey Grass
Answer to Any question- "your mom"
Really bad, politically incorrect stereotypes, like exaggerated Asian accents

knyfeknerd
01-13-2014, 08:50 AM
Oh yeah, good ones. You guys are reminding me of some others, funny the little differences between.
Balsamic is usually BallSac or Ballsacmic. I (long time ago) worked at a place where a server truly thought (and told tables) it was Baslamic.... The Nation of Baslam we called it there.
Parsley -Sack of Herb or Chronic
Calamari-Callie
Shrimp-Schrimps

On another note, how's aboot mispronunciations:
I worked with a guy that was such a drunk.....
....Herbs de Provence were Herb duh providence
Chicken Cordon Bleu was Chicken Corntown Blue.

jklip13
01-13-2014, 09:44 AM
The most vulgar ones that come to mind
Behind you = inside you
Corner! = Sarrah Conner in Arnold's voice
lemon reamer = the violator
Paralleled = pap smear
under you = watch your nuts
massive immersion blender = Ma Deuce (M2 .50cal machine gun)

mr drinky
01-13-2014, 07:33 PM
There are some good ones in here. Funny stuff. You guys should change the ticket item so it prints out that way.

I can't post an attachment in this forum for some reason, but here is a link to a 'bag of dicks' example.

http://www.nickmom.com/photos/receipt-for-tuna-sandwich-with-bag-of-dicks/

k.

greasedbullet
01-13-2014, 07:50 PM
Worcestershire sauce- worchesterhersherchorsurchermerstir....

Dardeau
01-13-2014, 08:02 PM
Funny you say that about changing the ticket names. Two of the former sous at a restaurant I worked at went to elementary school together. One of the two had a very bad stutter and lisp combo,, and the other one made fun of him by making him say "sausage". Fast forward twenty ish years. A sausage dish is added to the menu, the former stutterer/lisper is expo the first night it is on. The POS prints it as "Say Sausage". Rage and profanity fill the open kitchen. Years later any sausage dish still rings the same. This ticket printer would also occasionally run in a no cost item "nachos bel grande" in the middle of big tickets on busy nights.

marc4pt0
01-13-2014, 08:49 PM
Worcestershire sauce- worchesterhersherchorsurchermerstir....


Haha! I use what'sthishere sauce

eshua
01-13-2014, 09:15 PM
Soup = attractive female patron.

"you get that soup for table 38?"

Modifiers include: Hot, Miso, Potato, Tortilla to distinguish enthusiasm and race. We also have a call for "Ian" soup. Chef Ian regularly made premature soup calls. Closer inspection would reveal the girl to be high-school age, and Ian to look the part of pedderass.

NO ChoP!
01-13-2014, 09:56 PM
Hot staffer within ear shot? "How's that taste?""It's tasting pretty good!"

Making up names for managers and others so they don't know when your talking smack about them. "Dude, 'Bob' is an idiot"...

The stick thingy for cleaning the fryer= abortion stick.

Well done steak= step on that steak.

Wrapping something extra tight= b***c wrap.

Chef Andy
01-13-2014, 10:08 PM
Hot staffer within ear shot? "How's that taste?""It's tasting pretty good!"

Making up names for managers and others so they don't know when your talking smack about them. "Dude, 'Bob' is an idiot"...

The stick thingy for cleaning the fryer= abortion stick.

Well done steak= step on that steak.

Wrapping something extra tight= b***c wrap.

Hahaha, never heard that one before. I'm gonna have to use it at work now.

cheezit
01-13-2014, 10:45 PM
'Crop Dusting' = Farting while walking past as tables in the dining room

Geo87
01-13-2014, 11:37 PM
The stick thingy for cleaning the fryer= abortion stick.

.

We call ours "the abuser" or "ze abusssar" - German accent.

We also put a golf club grip on it.... Win.

panda
01-14-2014, 01:10 AM
dardeau - i was in tears of laughter after reading that, hahahaha

Hbeernink
01-14-2014, 02:07 AM
'Crop Dusting' = Farting while walking past as tables in the dining room

Same as airline flight attendants when going up an down aisles.

Erilyn75
01-16-2014, 06:31 AM
I shoulda been a chef. I could talk dirty all day long and no one would think anything of it lol :angel2:

A little OT: why do you guys say "oui"? Why not just "yes"? I remember a very annoying episode of Top Chef masters where everyone was saying "oui". It was constantly "oui chef, oui chef, oui chef" and the chef would say it questionly, "oui?", and they would answer "oui chef"! Ugh. By the end of the episode I couldn't wait for the little piggies to "oui" themselves home.

Geo87
01-16-2014, 08:41 AM
I shoulda been a chef. I could talk dirty all day long and no one would think anything of it lol :angel2:

A little OT: why do you guys say "oui"? Why not just "yes"? I remember a very annoying episode of Top Chef masters where everyone was saying "oui". It was constantly "oui chef, oui chef, oui chef" and the chef would say it questionly, "oui?", and they would answer "oui chef"! Ugh. By the end of the episode I couldn't wait for the little piggies to "oui" themselves home.

Originates from the French revolutionising the way kitchens work... The whole brigade system / army like structure.
Think of it like... Yes Drill sergeant!
We don't all say it. A lot of people would think its weird. But in every high end place I've worked they say it. And when one of the best chefs in your state shouts out an order at you you have all of 0.1 seconds to shout oui or your ass is his.
It's just the way it is. But in more relaxed restaurants everyone says yes.

knyfeknerd
01-16-2014, 09:20 AM
Never worked anywhere that "oui" is required. Some of the guys say it, but I think they've watched too much TV.

NO ChoP!
01-16-2014, 10:25 AM
Family meal = hog trough

Someone who always gets out of assigned tasks = ninja

Water for cooking = "some high quality h2o"

hambone.johnson
01-16-2014, 11:48 AM
Alright I'll throw in..

Chingone- (written phrenetical, is Spanish) short for bad A$$ or boss man

Whay- also phrenetical for Spanish spelling, general term for every person out there, like saying "man" or "dude" in English

Coneho - short for a squirrelly quick moving line cook. It means rabbit in Spanish.

Oie. As stated before has to be said as sarcastically as possible to other line cooks, and as quick and confident to boss man.

I also have a habit for picking out which one of my line cooks are which dinosaur from "land before time" the children's Disney movie from way back.

"Your mom" is always a line for anything, especially if I'm in the weeds.

brainsausage
01-16-2014, 12:25 PM
Never worked anywhere that required 'oui'. Typically it's 'heard' in the places I've been.

Chuckles
01-16-2014, 12:30 PM
I have a tendency to add 'so hard' to the end of many phrases.

Fish is working....
Right behind you....
Coming down line....

I am a child.


I also have stock responses pre loaded so people can't tell when I am not paying attention to what they are saying. These are:

Yeah buddy!
You know that's right.
These days?
In this economy!?

If you hear me say one of these things there is little to no chance I could repeat what you just said to me. I say these things all the time.

I made up an Italian word that I use as an answer to any dumb Italian geographic or ingredient question. It is Brodoggio. In an Italian accent it sounds fancy. In regular old Americano it is pronounced 'bro dog, yo'.

I have already started using the chefuccino for abandoned coffee drinks. I like that one a lot.

CoqaVin
01-16-2014, 12:39 PM
haha chefuccinno

too bad I drink coffee like a maniac literally never any to leave

We are required to say oui chef/yes chef where I work right now just a sign of respect and keeps the kitchen working properly and everything on time old school fine dining french it works well if you ask me sometimes I forgot to say it and then feel like a real *******

jbl
01-16-2014, 01:31 PM
"What's black and lives in the oven/under the salamander/in a pan?" A question posed when someone is letting something burn

Geo87
01-16-2014, 08:58 PM
"What's black and lives in the oven/under the salamander/in a pan?" A question posed when someone is letting something burn

Yup... Heard that a lot. However sometimes I feel that by the time someone's said it they could have rescued the thing anyway rather than letting it burn and being a smart ass :)

I've also considered buying / making a small black doll and hiding it under the salamander... Call her something like....oprah.
Then I can say "oprah lives there and why the f**k are you letting bread burn?"

A little effort but worth it

NO ChoP!
01-17-2014, 12:15 AM
A small bit left for your eating enjoyment = Scooby snack....

hambone.johnson
01-17-2014, 12:30 AM
Another spanish one that's all over Chicago ...

Chingadera .. That's how it's said not spell. It's Spanish for "little thing"

"Hey! Gimme the chingadera! No whay! The other chingadera with the black handle"

rdm_magic
01-18-2014, 08:40 PM
We always say it just before it's burnt, so they can save it. The look of panic is usually priceless.

ChuckTheButcher
01-18-2014, 09:38 PM
The absorbent meat pad in packaged meat products is called a tampon and I probably shouldn't say this but if you ever hear a waiter talking about Canadians... Well then your waiter is a racist. Just a heads up. 95% of the slang I hear is spanish. Like guey, chapin/a, no jodas, vato, pizado, chingone, mariposa, maricon, puto, gordo, chino.

Chef Andy
01-18-2014, 09:59 PM
Out of curiosity, why would a waiter be racist if he's talking about Canadians?

ChuckTheButcher
01-18-2014, 10:09 PM
In the US waiters will say things like "those Canadians stiffed me." They are really referring to a minority not Canadians. A way to be racist with out people knowing. Although I don't know how appropriate it is to talk bad about a whole nation of people either but we're not dealing with the smartest people. I do know it is not just a regional thing either. I've heard it in restaurants all over the States not a lot though. Thankfully.

Chef Andy
01-18-2014, 10:21 PM
Thats interesting. Most Canadians I know tip 15-20%, so you're clearly right when you say you're not dealing with the smartest people.

Honestly waiters/servers piss me off more than anything else I have to deal with at work. More so than the customers even.

longhorn
01-21-2014, 02:50 AM
I like chefucino a lot, we use NeStaffee for the staff coffee pot that needs refilling like 4 times a shift

buey of course, and artiga which means squirrel i think

cheezit
01-22-2014, 07:10 PM
I worked at a resort in Arizona that received a lot of Canadian travelers during the Spring months -- I can most assuredly say that a majority tipped lower than the standard gratuity and it is absurd to say that it is 'racist' to say such a thing.

Dardeau
01-22-2014, 07:14 PM
For everyone misunderstanding Canadians is a crass euphemism for black/African American/whatever the PC term is.

To offset this actual kitchen pictue

cheezit
01-22-2014, 07:45 PM
Never heard it used like that in the kitchens I've worked at.

Dardeau
01-22-2014, 07:55 PM
21745

Dardeau
01-22-2014, 07:56 PM
It generally identifies the user as an *******.

Salty dog
01-22-2014, 08:26 PM
Canadian is code. I use it. Have for years.

Doesn't make me a racist.

jared08
01-22-2014, 08:49 PM
At my old place where we had a huge attented station brunch buffet, as we cycled from kitchen to floor we would refer to attractive women as "cheese". And of ciurse use different types of cheese to refer to the age of the woman and/or color of dress being worn.. that was a great cheese cave on mothers day and easter. But every sunday was fun

Chef Andy
01-22-2014, 09:04 PM
Canadian is code. I use it. Have for years.

Doesn't make me a racist.

I don't want to get into a debate about racism but I certainly find it offensive.

cheezit
01-22-2014, 10:20 PM
Don't worry, we won't hold it against you.

Chef Andy
01-22-2014, 10:25 PM
Don't worry, we won't hold it against you.

I feel better already.

ThEoRy
01-23-2014, 12:40 AM
Vultures = FOH before staff meal.

Vulture feed.

Also "CRAWW!!!"

Stumblinman
01-23-2014, 03:38 AM
Damnit I keep looking at my coffee as chefaccino lol. I pour it hot and prep then drink it cold. I've called parsley sprinkles and mote. Andirons guess working in the south I call the spider a banjo.

Stumblinman
01-23-2014, 03:43 AM
Stupid auto incorrect

ThEoRy
01-23-2014, 03:47 AM
Chicken pot pie = chicken pie, chicky pie or chicken mota

Sheppherd's pie = sheppy

Sandwich special = Sando because that's obviously Spanish for sandwich.

Prime rib on a kaiser roll = Kaiso. Same rules apply.

Stumblinman
01-23-2014, 03:50 AM
And for some reason I'm throwing titties on e grill a lot.

Geo87
01-23-2014, 07:22 AM
And for some reason I'm throwing titties on e grill a lot.

Don't throw them ... Place them. Boobs need tender love.

Theory: vultures .... That's great! I call em seagulls. I've insisted a few times that if they want to eat they must yell kaaaah! Kaaaah! And flap their wings. Only a handful of FOH do it. It makes me so happy :)

Dardeau
01-23-2014, 09:20 AM
Always towels. Never rags.

quantumcloud509
01-23-2014, 05:18 PM
"spin this" spin that" spin: to make, or to make happen. Spin the soup please, and can you spin a dessert special for tomorrows 12 top?

quantumcloud509
01-23-2014, 05:25 PM
:plus1::plus1::plus1:


Honestly waiters/servers piss me off more than anything else I have to deal with at work. More so than the customers even.

Dardeau
01-24-2014, 08:16 PM
2182921830

Dardeau
01-24-2014, 09:20 PM
I didn't realize the pen was illegible on here. The English says: She's a hooker. A Looker? Not really. But I took her! In four different pen/handwritings. The Spanish has the lo of mantengalo crossed out and el culo written in its place. The signs have been up for less than twelve hours at this point.

panda
01-25-2014, 12:12 AM
i miss crude defacings of signage, can't get away with it in hotels.

V1P
01-25-2014, 05:33 AM
Salamander : celi
Microwave : mickey
Blow torch : flame thrower

NotSwedishChef
03-24-2014, 12:27 AM
Eat a bag of dicks = go f your self

Bobo'd= f'd

Embrace the **** = calm down

Programate= get with the fing program

Sherski
03-24-2014, 05:55 AM
HurdyBurdyBorkBorkBork- Lighten up, C*nts.

dblnickels
07-01-2014, 01:56 PM
Fire 9 (as in table 9) in exhibition kitchens was our code for all stations to look up at the fine
female walking by. By far the quickest response time to any command I ever gave!

Dardeau
07-01-2014, 04:10 PM
At one place I worked it was order fire jambalaya, table x. Probably still is. The next part of the ritual was to judge the taste of the expo and his or her fitness to continue to call jambalaya. We are all so tasteless.

CoqaVin
07-01-2014, 04:14 PM
anyone ever like being in the weeds? I live for that

Geo87
07-01-2014, 05:22 PM
Yeah I've had fire also. Except it was more like fire on tables 16, 20, 13, 2 & 3.... There was 5 mins on each fire also lol (5 mins till food was completely plated)

ecchef
07-01-2014, 10:35 PM
From our eloquent staff at the halfway house:

French Dick = French Dip
Chicken Peninis = Chicken Panini
Pubes = Curly Fries
Buttholes = Onion Rings

ecchef
07-01-2014, 10:42 PM
Originates from the French revolutionising the way kitchens work... The whole brigade system / army like structure.
Think of it like... Yes Drill sergeant!
We don't all say it. A lot of people would think its weird. But in every high end place I've worked they say it. And when one of the best chefs in your state shouts out an order at you you have all of 0.1 seconds to shout oui or your ass is his.
It's just the way it is. But in more relaxed restaurants everyone says yes.

Here it's "HAI!" Everybody says it. And if you don't, you'll get the stinkeye.
Pretty much like the Japanese version of Fuggedaboutit.

dreyna14
07-02-2014, 12:05 PM
I recommend watching Louis CK's rendition of diner slang.

"Two lumpy t*ts riding sidecar"