View Full Version : New Contest for August

Burl Source
08-09-2011, 01:39 PM
You guys had some good ideas for this month's contest so here is what we will do.

To enter the contest post a funny story, unusual or embarrassing experience. You can change the names to protect the indecent, I mean innocent. Otherwise Mike is saving the info for future use.

On August 31st I will use a random number generator to select the winning post number. The prize will be this block of stabilized walnut.
You could use it as handle material on a custom knife, re-handle a knife you have, or maybe an unusual paperweight.

I will look forward to what you guys have to post.
For a bunch of Kitchen Knife Guys you are pretty entertaining.

08-09-2011, 01:58 PM
Here's my story:

I was playing baseball for my high school team. Playing Centre field - A ball was hit in between me and the right fielder. I called for the ball knowing I would have to dive for it but I had not heard the right fielder call for it. As anyone who plays baseball knows, once the centre fielder calls for it everyone else get out of the way. I ran at full speed and dove for the ball. Next thing I knew I woke up on the field - felt for the ball in my glove and proceeded to show it to the ump. I tried to stand and quickly passed out again. I had dove into the shoulder of the right fielder. I broke all the bones in the right-side of my face (orbital maxilla zygoma nose) and required 10 hour plastic surgery to remove the bones and replace them with plates and titanium mesh and 2 hour ophthalmic surgery to regain a small amount of vision in my eye.

Now I have to carry a hospital card wherever I go and am prone to being asked if magnet sticks to my face.

Good luck everyone!

Burl Source
08-09-2011, 08:42 PM
Post whatever you think everyone else might think is entertaining.
It can be a story, experience, joke or photo.

How about a vampire cat?

08-10-2011, 01:58 AM
"No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."

'nuff said.

Mike Davis
08-10-2011, 12:55 PM
Ok....So for my 22nd birthday, i decided that Jose Cuervo was the drink of the night. I was home from Marquette for the week to visit my parents. They were gone for the night, and i was at their house with my cousin. We decided it would be a good idea to play quarters...He is better than i am. So after the first fifth was gone, i was roarin to go, so we cracked the second one. The details get vague from here on. I woke up on my parents porch at 6am wrapped in a towel. Here are the details as told to me by friends. Apparently after 2 fifths of tequila, i thought it would be a good idea to get butt naked and go for a walk around town. I managed to go over to a friends house and play basketball by myself in the dark at around 12:30 am. After leaving there, another great idea struck me(Sarcasm of course), I proceeded to walk to a local bar, still butt naked..and was there for 45 min. I was told i was taken home from the bar by the local PD, (high school friend)and deposited on my parents front porch where i promptly passed out. I had become the drawing pad for the patrons of the bar....I looked like a Picasso painting....
Moral of the story
2 fifths of tequila is entirely too much alcohol to ingest....
It REALLY does make clothes fall off....
It makes generally well behaved people do some really stupid stuff....
It makes the next 2 days SUCK!


08-13-2011, 03:03 PM
Okay, since the statue of limitations has not run on many of my funny stories, I will tell one on someone else. My youngest brother's best friend is a colo-rectal surgeon. Before he moved on to the greener pastures of Harvard for the rest of his rediency and Georgetown for his fellowship, he was an intern/resident at St, Vincent's hospital which sits at 12th Street and 7th Avenue in Manhattan, on the northern edge of Greenwich Village. Needless to say, the Village has historically had a very large gay population and, to be quite honest a rather colorful one at that. My brothers friend is a straight as they come, but he was also a very good looking 26 year old blonde Polish doc working at the Saturday Night Knife And Gun Club in the Village. In short order, some of the local denizens found out that there was this hunky young medico working at the local hospital who specialized in disorders of the bunghole. All of a sudden, some of them started showing up at the ER looking for young Allen and claiming symptoms of disorders related to his rather amusing specialty. The bad news is that many of these issues involved objects lodged in the, well, lets just say nether regions. After a while, our young doctor couldn't help but notice that not only were there what seemed like an inordinately large number of these cases, but the patients had taken the time and effort in the midst of their great discomfort, to dress in their sexy Sunday best for their visit to the hospital. As our young doctor was a nice Jesuit educated Polish Catholic boy from Ohio, this was all new to him. At some level he found it amusing, but he was really getting tired of these loons wasting his time and hospital resources and although he was not a homophobe, this was pretty nasty stuff regardless of any considerations of sexual orientation. he resolved that if any more of these guys showed up, he would tell them that their condition would required some from of gruesome, invasive surgery to remove the object. That seemed to solve the problem after only one try. A young man, dresssed in his spiffiest outfit of course, came in one Saturday night with a "problem" He claimed that he had accidentally slipped and fallen on a rather large candle, which had, of course, lodged itself far up the descending colon. Our young doctor told him of the horrific and potentially life threatening procedure required to remove the object and the patient thanked him and left the ER as fast as his fashionably shod feet could carry him................WITH HIS MOTHER IN TOW!!!!!!! Yes, you read correctly. Our doctor friend speculated that the "fell on the candle story" was devised in part because the patient had his elderly mother bring him to the hospital to have the offending object removed!!!!!!!!!:lol2:

Keith Neal
08-13-2011, 04:40 PM

My photos keep getting miniaturized. How do I keep them full size?

Burl Source
08-14-2011, 01:50 PM
Like this
caption for photo "You've been drinking again, haven't you?"

Keith Neal
08-15-2011, 12:07 PM
Or, "You bought another knife?!!"

Pensacola Tiger
08-16-2011, 06:32 PM
OK, this isn't a funny or embarrassing story, but I had to share it.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."

Mike Davis
08-16-2011, 11:33 PM
OK, this isn't a funny or embarrassing story, but I had to share it.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."


08-28-2011, 10:28 PM
There is an idea that one should not try to reinvent the wheel. I wanted to do a sub-zero quench on a blade that I was making so I needed something to contain the acetone and dry ice to do the deed. Now I could have asked around to see what others had found effective for this, but no, I had to reinvent this wheel. I was at the big Borg Home Improvement store and spotted some black sewer pipe that would hold the blade with little extra, so that I would not need to use an excess of material, with a nice end cap that I could glue on. The glue on should have been something that I considered more thoroughly. When I dropped the dry ice into the acetone it exploded out of the tube, and as I kept adding more acetone to the tube I began to see the problem with my strategy. The black plastic was melting. I got the whole shebang transferred into a metal container before it melted through, but boy howdy what a mess I ended up with. After drying the plastic did peel off of the blade fairly easily, though................

08-29-2011, 10:58 AM
This is a true story from when I went to the Naval College in Bergen, Norway. Some friends from school and I were getting ready for a long night on the town and I was standing in line in front of a very popular hotdog stand downtown Bergen. We had been drinking a couple of beers before taking the bus so we were in a pretty happy mood all of us. I got my hotdog and tried to get some ketchup on it. The bottle was nearly empty, so I gave it a good swing. Sharp minded as I was after a few beers I swung the bottle well clear of my own pants not to get stains on them. Ketchup is a real PITA to get out of cotton fabric. After the very nice swing I got the ketchup out an on to my dog, but just before taking the first bite I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I turned around and just behind me stood a couple also ready to go to a party. She was wearing a beautiful light blue dress. A real stunner of a babe but it looked like she had just seen a ghost. Her boyfriend was wearing a white suit... with a ketchup stripe all the way from his knee and across his entire body up to his shoulder. It looked like he had been cut in half with a ninja sword. It was really tragic, but i couldn't help myself from breaking out in laughter. He took a swing at me and landed his fist beautifully on my cheek taking me down in one swing, but lying on the ground I just could not stop laughing. My friends got inbetween and probably saved my life that day. The whole thing ended in me giving the guy $100 for drycleaning and they left in a taxi. Pretty embarrassing, but still quite funny.


08-29-2011, 11:37 AM
True story.

After completing Navy boot camp, I went home for leave before going to the next duty station. As a raw recruit, my uniform was perfect, WHITE and starched. I didn't want to look bad reporting for my first duty. After the plane left the ground the stewardess came around asking for drink orders. I was in the aisle seat and the guy next to me ordered coffee. You guessed it, the plane hit a bump as the coffee cup was passing over me and it spilled all over my right leg, abdomen and up to my web belt. I looked down to see my perfect tropical whites a tragic mess. The stewardess retreated for another cup, a pillow case and a can of club soda. After she handed my neighbor a fresh cup, she opened the club soda and doused the pillow case and then proceeded to wipe down my trousers removing the offending stain. My neighbor was getting quite a kick out of this as he watched my white knuckled grip on the arm rests and the expression on my face. I never got to thank her for the bath, I was to excited to remember.

Burl Source
09-01-2011, 11:59 AM
Sorry I got tied up yesterday and forgot to do the drawing.
I went to Random.org and told it to pick a number between 1 and 14.
The number it selected was #10
Congratulations Pensacola Tiger..........again!

Pensacola Tiger
09-01-2011, 12:15 PM
But I can't even win a free ticket in the lottery!

Thanks, Mark!

09-01-2011, 07:05 PM
LOL. Nice job, Rick. Hax.