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View Full Version : My weird week, Not as bad as Colin's



sachem allison
10-17-2012, 02:41 PM
My week started off with my roommate notifying me she was leaving for Vegas In an hour and wouldn't be back for a week and that I needed to take care of her 5 cats. I gave her 20 to lose for me. She left the house a pig sty, sink full of dishes, stove covered in food and dirty pans and 3 full litter boxes. She picked up two feral cats about 2 months ago and they have just tore up everything. Now the male cat Is starting to mark his territory, What a stink. Wednesday, she texts me and said I won $100, ten minutes later she texts me and says she meant $150. She said it was the first bet she made when she arrived and it paid 36 to 1 odds. correct me if I'm wrong but, $20 dollars at 36 to 1 odds is $720 not $150. oh well.
Then On Thursday I was at work and plugged my phone into it's charger, took a box downstairs turn right around came back up and my phone was stolen. Someone actually walked to the back kitchen into the server station and stole my phone in less then 2 minutes. I called the tracking company for my phone and they said, sorry our system is down and we can't help you. What the hell have I been paying them for?
I calm down, work my shift and go home. subway took two hours longer, because some ass decided to kill himself on the tracks earlier in the day. Finally, make it home, unlock the door and step into a puddle of piss. I mop and deodorize everything , walk into the dining room and flip on the lights and my roommates favorite 20# cat is lying on the floor on it's back staring at me, waiting for me to scratch her belly, so that she can scratch the hell out of me. I notice that she is laying in a puddle of piss. I reach down to scratch her and she is dead to the world. She is still warm and soft, apparently she flopped onto the floor to spring her trap, had a heart attack and died instantly when I walked through the door. I grab the cat, toss her into the basement because, that's the coolest spot, mop the floor, go get me some Chinese food.
I can't call the roommate because, my phone is stolen and she is in Vegas. 3am , I go digging through her garage and find a shovel, dig a grave in the back yard and dump the cat in and bury it. Halfway through this procedure it proceeds to pour rain. The neighbors are having a birthday party or something and see me burying something in the backyard and call the cops. 4am the cops show up want to know what's going on. I tell them whats what and they start laughing and telling me I'm screwed . 7am head back to work to pick up my new cell phone, 8 am have chest discomfort, head to hospital across the street, have a mild heart attack. Heparin drip 4 hours. Release me 6:45 am The next day, Call roommate 10pm Monday night to tell here about the cat, she is at the airport heading back, first words out of her mouth were, why did you murder my cat! She got back at 7am tuesday morning and I haven't heard from her since.
On the plus side Tuesday afternoon was spent at Korin.

jayhay
10-17-2012, 03:34 PM
You live with 5 cats, son? Holy hell that would drive me crazy. And chinese food after the dead cat is pretty funny. But it sounds like a very ****** day. Glad you are alright after the mild heart attack, that is some scary stuff. Sounds like you need some good R&R. Take it easy man and think about the upside. One less cat lol. And hopefully you get your money from her and she didn't gamble it away. Glad Korin was a good time :)

bikehunter
10-17-2012, 03:40 PM
Sounds like something from a novel. Tho' I don't think many people could make that up. Geez, which gods did you piss off? Just don't, for any reason say....Well, things could be worse. <g>

add
10-17-2012, 03:44 PM
My weird week, Not as bad as Colin's...


Looks like it might just be a photo finish to this judge, lol.

Yikes man!

sachem allison
10-17-2012, 03:51 PM
You live with 5 cats, son? Holy hell that would drive me crazy. And chinese food after the dead cat is pretty funny. But it sounds like a very ****** day. Glad you are alright after the mild heart attack, that is some scary stuff. Sounds like you need some good R&R. Take it easy man and think about the upside. One less cat lol. And hopefully you get your money from her and she didn't gamble it away. Glad Korin was a good time :)
and I hate cats! They all love me though, I think they know. My personal room in the attic is a cat free zone. I only ever sit at the kitchen table to use the computer and never sit in the living room. She is half way to being that lady with the cats. She is a friend of mine but, I gotta get out .

sachem allison
10-17-2012, 03:52 PM
Sounds like something from a novel. Tho' I don't think many people could make that up. Geez, which gods did you piss off? Just don't, for any reason say....Well, things could be worse. <g>

I have been joking for years that God keeps me around for comic relief.

Mr.Magnus
10-17-2012, 04:02 PM
5 nasty cats pissing on the floors and a roommate that dont know how to clean. find a new home or if you are the owner of the apartment kick her out. thats just grows and unhealty. you need to man up! dont take **** like that. i would never in a million years live with a person like her. you seem to bee in a dark period do what must be done and hang in there and it will get better.

Pensacola Tiger
10-17-2012, 04:03 PM
God Is an Iron. "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron." — Spider Robinson.

sachem allison
10-17-2012, 04:12 PM
5 nasty cats pissing on the floors and a roommate that dont know how to clean. find a new home or if you are the owner of the apartment kick her out. thats just grows and unhealty. you need to man up! dont take **** like that. i would never in a million years live with a person like her. you seem to bee in a dark period do what must be done and hang in there and it will get better.

she is the owner and this is all a relatively new thing. She is going through something and I'm already looking for a way out. no worries there. This cat pissing thing is something that just happened, I think it was the cat who died letting me know she was stressed about something and the new male taking the oppurtunity to mark his space. The plus side is I just talked to the roommate 5 minutes ago and she is getting rid of the two feral cats and giving one of the other cats to her sister, so we will be down to one. Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of that one.lol

ecchef
10-17-2012, 04:16 PM
You got a shovel....start digging more holes. 4 small ones and 1 big one. Just don't let anyone see you doing it.

Benuser
10-17-2012, 04:21 PM
I hope you will have to bury ALL these cats. Meanwhile, take care.

SpikeC
10-17-2012, 05:00 PM
You have my deepest sympathy, Son. BTW, I am making good progress on the bone handled jobbies, they are goin to be dandy, I think!

El Pescador
10-17-2012, 05:11 PM
Hope things end up okay.

shankster
10-17-2012, 06:07 PM
Dude..you gotta write a memoir of your life's stories,you can't make @hit like that up!! Hope the rest of the week goes better for ya.. :)

hax9215
10-17-2012, 06:12 PM
Kitty killer karma will get you every time!!!

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!! :D

Seth
10-17-2012, 06:21 PM
My girlfriend spent three days in the hospital after a cat bite...her cat, last week. Somewhere, the healthcare system paid $16,000 on behalf of this cat. The cat is gone.

Son, I think you need to simplify and move to the suburbs away from the stress of nyc. A nice job where you saunter in whenever you like, chop a few things, and boss some people around. I hope you bought yourself a little present at Korin.

DeepCSweede
10-17-2012, 06:24 PM
My girlfriend spent three days in the hospital after a cat bite...her cat, last week. Somewhere, the healthcare system paid $16,000 on behalf of this cat. The cat is gone.

Son, I think you need to simplify and move to the suburbs away from the stress of nyc. A nice job where you saunter in whenever you like, chop a few things, and boss some people around. I hope you bought yourself a little present at Korin.

Maybe it's time to move back to Sconnie - but then the culinary choices here would probably put you back in the hospital so maybe that's not the best idea.

mano
10-17-2012, 06:24 PM
Son, I think you need to simplify and move to the suburbs away from the stress of nyc. A nice job where you saunter in whenever you like, chop a few things, and boss some people around. I hope you bought yourself a little present at Korin.

Yeah, that magical happy place...heaven.

steeley
10-17-2012, 08:38 PM
Sorry to hear that son , hope everything is going well today .
I love cat's in stew's , fried , bbq, .................:scared4:

Zwiefel
10-17-2012, 09:26 PM
I can see I'm going to have to stop bitchin' about my problems. Hope it gets better Son!

Burl Source
10-17-2012, 09:28 PM
I think you should move back to Oregon, get a green card and become a farmer.

pumbaa
10-17-2012, 09:34 PM
or come to charlotte open a place let me and knerd run it and relax in the suburbs, or just make the best of what is given and just laugh at it all honestly (except the heart attack part). you have had some crazy stories and events in life.

Don Nguyen
10-17-2012, 09:57 PM
Wow, Son! That's hectic.

Glad to hear you got the chest pain immediately checked out, and that you're alright. Wishing for the best!

sachem allison
10-17-2012, 10:01 PM
or come to charlotte open a place let me and knerd run it and relax in the suburbs, or just make the best of what is given and just laugh at it all honestly (except the heart attack part). you have had some crazy stories and events in life.

I'd open a place, but I'm flat broke. you guys can run it, I'll go fishing.

Bulldogbacchus
10-17-2012, 10:06 PM
I love cats,
But I can't eat a whole one by myself.

Wishin things get better for you, Son.

SpikeC
10-17-2012, 10:16 PM
Depends on the size of the cat...............

SpikeC
10-17-2012, 10:17 PM
Catarnitas?

hax9215
10-17-2012, 10:35 PM
The day may come, for whatever reason - rioting, pestilence, famine, or just plain curiosity - you will need to eat a cat. Your very survival may depend on this handy guide.
PREPARING YOUR CAT FOR CONSUMPTION
Since cat meat isn't commercially available in the United States (and illegal to boot), you'll probably have to prepare cat yourself. If you live in the more enlightened domains of East Asia, and can purchase cat at the local market, you may want to skip this step and proceed to COOKING YOUR CAT.

First, get a large cutting board and lay out your cat. Lop off the head, the tail and the feet with a sharp butcher's knife. These parts of the cat contain little usable meat, so toss them aside.

Next, make a longitudinal incision on the cat's abdomen. Reach your hand (wear gloves!) into the body cavity, and remove all of the internal organs. Discard them- especially the liver. It may look tasty, but the liver of a felis domesticus is frequently too toxic for human consumption.

SKINNING YOUR CAT
There’s more than one way to skin a cat- our exhaustive research uncovered two. On this site, two High School students meticulously guide you step-by-step through skinning a cat - complete with diagrams. To summarize, use a sharp knife to trim off the skin, and pull it back, snipping away at the muscle tissue.

Gourmands like to skin their cats differently. They hate shun using a skining knife, calling it crude. They reccomend you grab the loose skin around the head stump, and using a pair of pliers, peel it back off the carcass like a banana, rolling it off the body. The final step before cooking is to wash the meat of stray gristle and hairs. Nobody likes cat hair in their food.

COOKING YOUR CAT
Now you are ready to cook! One USENET account recommends placing a cat in a very high powered magnetron microwave. This device supposedly can cook a cat in approximately 10 minutes- the proteins are denatured (cooked), and sugars caramelized by microwave heating. The cat may be "cooked" but will it taste good? If you've ever tried to microwave a raw hamburger, you'll know the answer is "no." For the best taste, our reader inquired about possibly slow cooking a feline. That's exactly what we at PWEETA recommend- a slow cooked Beer Roasted Cat. Other cat recipes you may enjoy are classic Cat Tamales, Cat in Spicy Ginger Sauce, and Cat Au Gratin.

BEER ROASTED CAT
1 cat cut into roast
1 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cube of beef bouillon
1 clove of garlic
1 Fine Irish Stout, a lot like a popular dark Irish Beer®, but NOT that brand at their lawyers' request. They alledge this article, educating others in the legal eating habits of over 100 million people world-wide, and specifically in rising East Asian markets, is "highly offensive."

Cover and soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain water and then cover and soak in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in crock pot with your cans of soup. Add a clove of garlic, and a cube of beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your cat in the morning with your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have finely cooked feline in time for supper.

If a slow cooker is not available, a cat can be baked at 350 degrees for 2-3 hours in a conventional oven and still come out pretty good. Beer Roasted Cat is fantastic served with mashed potatoes, collard greens, and fresh, homemade egg rolls. When planning a full meal just remember- cat is a course best served hot!

Cat may not be the most glamorous, or tastiest of game meats, but with a little thought and preparation, Baked Cat can make the belly of the persnicketiest diner glow with home baked goodness.


I personally have not tried this recipe, but I do read it to my Siamese from time to time.

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!! :D

knyfeknerd
10-17-2012, 10:45 PM
Wouldn't you have killed the cat the was pissing all over the place first?
I hate to say it, but me and several others laughed heartily at your story today Son. You always weave a great tale.
I guess it's kinda funny how life takes a giant dump on you sometimes.........
........the most unfunny part was your heart attack, I hope your overall health improves Son.


didn't they make musical instrument strings out of cat's gut back in the day?

SpikeC
10-18-2012, 12:02 AM
One should never waste the head. There is good meat there, especially the cheeks!

sachem allison
10-18-2012, 12:30 AM
As some one who has eaten cat , it really isn't that bad. kind of a white meat with a soft chicken like texture. By the way never eat at a Chinese restaurant in Mexicali. It ain't chicken. you will notice in a city of almost a million people no stray cats walking around in Chinatown.

add
10-18-2012, 12:48 AM
... she is getting rid of the two feral cats and giving one of the other cats to her sister, so we will be down to one. Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of that one.

pm for details....


:D

I kid, I kid.

hax9215
10-18-2012, 01:20 AM
Son have you ever had Cho Sao Xa Ot? I had a freind whose wife made some for a dinner I was invited to. I ate enogh to be polite, but did not clean my plate as I was afraid it would be construed as a request for more. It was certainly tasty with the lemon grass and chiles, but I could not get past the idea. Purley a cultural taboo, but not something I would want again.

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!! :D

ecchef
10-18-2012, 01:27 AM
10700

Johnny.B.Good
10-18-2012, 01:33 AM
Glad you made it through the week, Son.

What a story!

apicius9
10-18-2012, 02:28 AM
Some guys have all the fun... ;) But seriously, take care of yourself. I would say come to Hawaii because it's more relaxed, but broke and Hawaii don't mix well... Oh, and I am a dog person, so I don't care how many cats you kill ;)

Stefan

sachem allison
10-18-2012, 03:34 AM
Son have you ever had Cho Sao Xa Ot? I had a freind whose wife made some for a dinner I was invited to. I ate enogh to be polite, but did not clean my plate as I was afraid it would be construed as a request for more. It was certainly tasty with the lemon grass and chiles, but I could not get past the idea. Purley a cultural taboo, but not something I would want again.

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!! :D

That is more a North Vietnamese Thing, most of the Vietnamese I grew up with were from South Vietnam and that really doesn't fly around them. They always call Northern Vietnamese dog eaters. lol I have eaten it among some very old school traditional Native Cheyenne and I have had puppy soup during a Kickapoo ceremony, both times refusing would have been a great,great insult as they were for very traditional and old ceremonies. The elders and the shamans would have been shamed and insulted and my standing in the community would have ended. I really didn't care for it as, I found the meat to be rather stringy and a little greasy, except the puppy, it was so tender the meat just fell off the bone. It was a puppy after all.

WildBoar
10-18-2012, 03:53 AM
Mmmm, dog veal :cheffry:

:justkidding:

although I grew up around dogs and cats, we did not have any pets other then fish until we took in a stray cat when I was about 12 or 13. We had 1-2 cats for the next dozen or so years. I've been pet-free ever since. But the nice thing about a cat was it could be left alone for a day or so, which is much harder to do with a dog -- at least in the area where I live -- as you will get locked up in jail if you leave a dog tied up outside all day long. But I guess that's still better then leaving a dog tied up outside, then returning at the end of the day and finding out your neighbor ate it.

Salty dog
10-18-2012, 06:54 AM
Not a great week for me either. My Sous Chef of 8 years gave notice. Oh, and my wife of 26 filed for divorce.

Mike9
10-18-2012, 09:02 AM
Son - I hope things turn around for ya and damn Salty that's a tough one/two punch to take. That makes my hitting a deer last week seem trivial. And I thought that whole "retrograde" thing had moved on by now . . . .

mr drinky
10-18-2012, 10:40 AM
Son, because of this thread and all talk of cats, I kept dreaming I had a cat last night and walking around the house looking for it in my sleep. Finally, when I started to suspect that I don't own a cat, I woke my wife up at 2:00 am and asked her, "Do we own a cat?" She confirmed that we do not have a cat and I went back to sleep. I'm just glad I wasn't looking for a midnight snack ;)

k.

tk59
10-18-2012, 11:39 AM
I woke up a little down this morning. This was a little dose of perspective. I hope things work out for the best.

sachem allison
10-18-2012, 01:52 PM
Not a great week for me either. My Sous Chef of 8 years gave notice. Oh, and my wife of 26 filed for divorce.

Hope things get better, my friend.

sachem allison
10-18-2012, 01:55 PM
Son, because of this thread and all talk of cats, I kept dreaming I had a cat last night and walking around the house looking for it in my sleep. Finally, when I started to suspect that I don't own a cat, I woke my wife up at 2:00 am and asked her, "Do we own a cat?" She confirmed that we do not have a cat and I went back to sleep. I'm just glad I wasn't looking for a midnight snack ;)

k.Almost picked you up a berkel model 7 today. while I was reaching into get my wallet someone else came in and offered twice the price that was listed and the guy sold it to him. what happened to the days when you sealed the deal with a handshake? Bastards!

El Pescador
10-18-2012, 01:58 PM
Time to get a new room mate. Five cats...she needs to live alone.

sachem allison
10-18-2012, 02:00 PM
4 now.lol

El Pescador
10-18-2012, 02:27 PM
exactly. Spinster status.

AFKitchenknivesguy
10-18-2012, 03:57 PM
I can't stand roomates or cats. Good luck.

Lucretia
10-18-2012, 07:38 PM
10707



NOEZ!!!!! Dontz eatz mee!

(Sorry you guys are having such a bad week!)

Lucretia
10-18-2012, 08:49 PM
10700

:lol2:

sachem allison
10-18-2012, 09:09 PM
10707



NOEZ!!!!! Dontz eatz mee!

(Sorry you guys are having such a bad week!)

actually the cat is white and looks alot like that one

Benuser
10-18-2012, 09:30 PM
Unintentionally, I thought: félin à l'orange.

Salty dog
10-18-2012, 10:43 PM
I just recieved the best news possible. My Sous Chef is staying.

Now what to do with my free time?

SpikeC
10-18-2012, 10:46 PM
Go riding?

Johnny.B.Good
10-18-2012, 10:47 PM
Now what to do with my free time?

Instructional cooking, cutting, and sharpening videos? ;)

add
10-18-2012, 11:11 PM
Woo back the missus?

The hekler
10-18-2012, 11:20 PM
Son, sorry to hear you have had a rough week, that being said for the time it took me to read though this thread it grew from 3 to 6 pages long. If that doesn't show the esteem that this community hold you in I don't know anything that will. It sucks having a rough time, but we have all been there (minus the heart attack though) hope things even out for you and if nothing else the powers that be owe you many easy years ahead.
Salty glad to hear you sous chef is staying, but the rest still sucks, hope things start looking better for you too!

Lucretia
10-19-2012, 12:41 AM
Can't eat this one. We need her to protect us from peafowl. And zombies.




10708

sachem allison
10-19-2012, 12:44 AM
yea but pea fowl is tasty and brains are always a treat. umm zombies!

Salty dog
10-19-2012, 12:49 AM
Woo back the missus?

Umm, no.

DeepCSweede
10-19-2012, 10:15 AM
I just recieved the best news possible. My Sous Chef is staying.

Now what to do with my free time?

Well let's see - Highs in the 50's this weekend will allow for a few days of good riding and you own guns, so burn off a few rounds at the range. There you go.

Deckhand
10-19-2012, 09:51 PM
Son,
Been following this sent you a PM. See you haven't been on since last night. Hope you are O.K. Health wise right now. I worry when you disappear.

Benuser
10-19-2012, 10:25 PM
Son is at work.

Deckhand
10-19-2012, 11:40 PM
Son is at work.

Yep, just talked with him.

mr drinky
10-20-2012, 01:11 AM
Woo back the missus?


Umm, no.

This wins for most said in the least amount of words.

k.

NO ChoP!
10-28-2012, 10:17 PM
Scott always had a knack for summing things up in very simple terms....

Son, stop eating pets, and add some oats to the diet...

Scott, hope all is well...miss our regular bar chats.

sachem allison
10-31-2012, 07:13 PM
So, the month keeps getting better. Got strep throat and pneumonia, Hurricane hit, Restaurant is flooded and power is out, being docked a weeks pay because of the hurricane and my roommate found one of the feral cats dead on the dining room floor for no apparent reason. We tore the house apart looking to see if they got into anything or found a poisoned mouse or something but, no go. I suspect heart worms personally. She is going to get the other cats checked out and hopefully for them it's not too late. Two down, Three to go.

hax9215
10-31-2012, 07:29 PM
You do realize, catkiller, that this being Halloween the spirits of those two cats are coming for you tonight?

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!! :D

DeepCSweede
10-31-2012, 07:34 PM
and here I was starting to feel sorry for myself...we had two of our experienced accountants give notice this week and the managing partner is seriously considering not replacing them until late next year. Between new baby and now this, I think I can kiss sleep goodbye.

Son - glad to see you made it through the storm alright. Take it easy for a few days and get healthy. F the cats, who cares about them anyways.

Benuser
11-01-2012, 07:48 PM
I wouldn't kill and eat them though as long as you're not sure about them being in good health.

Carl
11-01-2012, 08:23 PM
Salty, damn man, I feel for you. I don't know what your spousal relationship was like, but I know how I would feel, and it would suck worse than anything ever. As for the sous, take the chance to get yourself some time off, and then maybe a reward for the sous.

Son, if you wrote a book I would read it, seriously. You tell such a great story, even though the living of it has got to suck as well. The part that kicks me the hardest was your heart attack in the midst of it all. You seem very calm, where I certainly would not be.

My truck broke. big whoop. I got a replacement. There's my sob story. HA! You guys just plain rock.

Lucretia
11-06-2012, 07:39 PM
Hidden camera shows what's really going on in Son's kitchen:


http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/521718_546625268700264_1485664678_n.jpg

Crothcipt
11-07-2012, 07:25 PM
That cat looks pissed.