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Contest - Drawing on June 8th - Page 11
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Thread: Contest - Drawing on June 8th

  1. #101
    Senior Member
    mano's Avatar
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    A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

    In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

    "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."

    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

    Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

    The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

    "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

    Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."
    "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough." —Mark Twain

  2. #102
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    An older couple went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

    The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it.

    When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.

    This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected with the elderly, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave.

    Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

    The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicare."
    "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough." —Mark Twain

  3. #103
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    I entered an online competition for the best word play jokes. I entered ten times.

    I thought I would have won,

    but no pun-in-ten-did.

  4. #104
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    The drawing will be this afternoon around 5 PST.
    So there is still plenty of time for any last minute jokes.
    Mark Farley / It's a Burl
    Phone 541-592-5071, Email burlsource@burlsales.com
    Visit our web store

  5. #105

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    What's orange and sounds like a parrot?





    ...a carrot!

  6. #106
    Senior Member Mr.Magnus's Avatar
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    A sheap was standing on a hill, another sheap comes by and says Bahh, the other one says S**T that's what i was going to say.

  7. #107
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    Spalted Tanoak

  8. #108
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Winner is Post #31

    Congratulations theLawlCat
    The random number generator selected #31 as the winning post.

    Type of wood......I don't know.
    I know it is a variety of Oregon Oak that has spalted.
    Most likely white oak. Kind of weird in a good way.
    Mark Farley / It's a Burl
    Phone 541-592-5071, Email burlsource@burlsales.com
    Visit our web store

  9. #109
    Senior Member NO ChoP!'s Avatar
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    Doh!!! Trick question!!!!!
    The difference between try and triumph is a little "umph"! NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!
    chefchristophermiller@yahoo.com

  10. #110

    knyfeknerd's Avatar
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    congrats lawlcat!
    Thanks for the contest Mark!
    No matter how high the throne,
    there sits but an ass.

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