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Contest - Drawing on 12/1 - Win $100 In-Store Credit - Page 7
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Thread: Contest - Drawing on 12/1 - Win $100 In-Store Credit

  1. #61
    Senior Member Nmko's Avatar
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    What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? -- He got a little behind in his work...

  2. #62
    Senior Member Sam Cro's Avatar
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    When your Daughter's boyfriend comes to pick her up for their date Throw a shotgun shell at him .
    Then tell him it Moves A lot faster after 10 Pm !

    Sam

  3. #63
    Senior Member Lucretia's Avatar
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    Koa, amboyna, maple, silky oak.
    Now is not the time to bother me. And it's always now. Wiley Miller

  4. #64
    Senior Member Lucretia's Avatar
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    An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says. "90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

    "Oh, I'm sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
    Now is not the time to bother me. And it's always now. Wiley Miller

  5. #65
    Senior Member cheflarge's Avatar
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    In again.

    What is the difference between a Porche with four lawyers in it and a porcuppine?..........

    Weeeellllllll......... the Porche has the "pricks" on the inside!

  6. #66
    The wood is... dyed buckeye.

  7. #67
    The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.

    She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

    Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

    Wife: "Who said that?"

    Helen: "Your husband."

    Wife: "Oh."

    Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

    Wife: "Who said that?"

    Helen: "Your husband."

    Wife: "Oh."

    Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

    Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

    Helen: "No, the gardener did."

    Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

  8. #68
    Two chemists walk into a bar.

    The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

    The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

    The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
    His assassination plot had failed.

  9. #69
    Senior Member

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    Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. It was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks, and the first time someone came below at night, with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term," Ship High In Transit" which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

    You probably did not know the true history of this word.

    Neither did I. I always thought it was a golf term.
    “Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”

  10. #70
    A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
    "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough." —Mark Twain

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