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knyfeknerd

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What are some of the terms you use for mise/whatevz in the kitchen at the J.O.B.?
It sometimes changes depending on where you work, but some are the same no matta where......
.....Here are just a few:

Asparagus-Grass
Short Ribs-Shorty
Squash soup-Sqwoop
French Onion-Foss
Foie Gras is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS either-fwaaaaaahhhh!!!!(in a kung-fu tone) or Fwuuuhhhaaa???(in a Scooby-Doo voice)
The broiler is the sally(the infrared one is aka "the breadkilla")
Mac & Chz is Mac
If the Mac is in the sally, it is ALWAYS sung to the tune of Aerosmith's Back in the saddle again-"Mac in the sally again"
Mussels are Brussels and vice versa
The cheese plate is either a cheesecake or a cheesesteak(which isn't even on the menu)
Chinois-Chinosis
If I'm behind you, I'll probably just say "nice ass"

There's a ton I can't think of right now, and yes we're weird.
Whatcha got?
 
Nice thread :)

Asparagus- sparrows ass
Microwave - magic box
Chicken foccacia- chicken f***er
Chicken breast- boobs
Not sure who started it but instead of the traditional oui- oui ai...like your Scottish

We have also taken to yelling out opa!
In Greek it is an amazing word , it is an exclamation of joy like hell yeah. But also can mean oh no. A perfect word for us. Oh and we are not Greek in any way

Salmon is always : slammin
Lemon grass: lemon ass
Carrying something hot and approaching from behind is perfect for -HOT behind

There is more ... That's off the top of my head
 
inappropriate kitchen slang " trout walkin back( you can figure out the rest)
up your ass" behind you
bump and grind" behind you without warning usually a server.
perro" busser
chihuahua" smaller busser
"Don" oldest badass line cook
"pato" I work in Chelsea, NY so, it is a polite way of saying you walk like a duck( you figure out the rest)
I find my latino staff is very creative with various versions of the same theme. They seem to have dozen different ways to talk about your sexual preferences whether, it is bestial, mineral, incestuous, oedipal, homosexual, straight or auto-erotic.
unusually large carrots " horse c#&ks " unusually small carrots " Alex's c#4k

I include this all as my mise names because, frankly all of it including the guys are my mise en place.
 
Beef cheeks: cheeky meat
Lamb saddle : lamb straddle
Chefuccino: the inevitable way we drink out coffee... Take two sips, forget about it. Let it develop a skin, go cold... Realise you had a coffee... Drink your chefuccino

And the word oui must be said with great enthusiasm and strange accents. In a large kitchen I worked in when dockets were called and 16 different oui! Were belted back at random new guys just about piss themselves with fear :)
Obviously not on every ticket. My favourite would be waaaaaahh like your doing karate
 
Raped : very busy service.
Fisted : very very busy, painful service.
Gang raped: extremely busy service with potential permanent emotional scaring.
 
Raped : very busy service.
Fisted : very very busy, painful service.
Gang raped: extremely busy service with potential permanent emotional scaring.
I have more explicit versions of those definitions which will likely to be censored ...
my all time favorites are
chef Mike : microwave
baptise: nappe with butter
hot mofo: oven door is open behind you
 
"**** and Balls!'' - sir, please move so I can get into the fridge you're standing in front of.
"Big dick" - sir
"Calaminkya" - Calamari
"Goat turd" - goat's milk curd
"Mixy - or Mixamitosis" - Mixed Grill
"Cheese erection" - Cheese selection

...and that's just the current menu.
 
microwave - the nuker
balsamic - balls
home fries - homies
wire fryer strainer - spider
parsley - grass or weed
 
Balsamic- ball sack
Fryer- sauté box
Foie Gras- Fooey Grass
Answer to Any question- "your mom"
Really bad, politically incorrect stereotypes, like exaggerated Asian accents
 
Oh yeah, good ones. You guys are reminding me of some others, funny the little differences between.
Balsamic is usually BallSac or Ballsacmic. I (long time ago) worked at a place where a server truly thought (and told tables) it was Baslamic.... The Nation of Baslam we called it there.
Parsley -Sack of Herb or Chronic
Calamari-Callie
Shrimp-Schrimps

On another note, how's aboot mispronunciations:
I worked with a guy that was such a drunk.....
....Herbs de Provence were Herb duh providence
Chicken Cordon Bleu was Chicken Corntown Blue.
 
The most vulgar ones that come to mind
Behind you = inside you
Corner! = Sarrah Conner in Arnold's voice
lemon reamer = the violator
Paralleled = pap smear
under you = watch your nuts
massive immersion blender = Ma Deuce (M2 .50cal machine gun)
 
Funny you say that about changing the ticket names. Two of the former sous at a restaurant I worked at went to elementary school together. One of the two had a very bad stutter and lisp combo,, and the other one made fun of him by making him say "sausage". Fast forward twenty ish years. A sausage dish is added to the menu, the former stutterer/lisper is expo the first night it is on. The POS prints it as "Say Sausage". Rage and profanity fill the open kitchen. Years later any sausage dish still rings the same. This ticket printer would also occasionally run in a no cost item "nachos bel grande" in the middle of big tickets on busy nights.
 
Soup = attractive female patron.

"you get that soup for table 38?"

Modifiers include: Hot, Miso, Potato, Tortilla to distinguish enthusiasm and race. We also have a call for "Ian" soup. Chef Ian regularly made premature soup calls. Closer inspection would reveal the girl to be high-school age, and Ian to look the part of pedderass.
 
Hot staffer within ear shot? "How's that taste?""It's tasting pretty good!"

Making up names for managers and others so they don't know when your talking smack about them. "Dude, 'Bob' is an idiot"...

The stick thingy for cleaning the fryer= abortion stick.

Well done steak= step on that steak.

Wrapping something extra tight= b***c wrap.
 
Hot staffer within ear shot? "How's that taste?""It's tasting pretty good!"

Making up names for managers and others so they don't know when your talking smack about them. "Dude, 'Bob' is an idiot"...

The stick thingy for cleaning the fryer= abortion stick.


Well done steak= step on that steak.

Wrapping something extra tight= b***c wrap.

Hahaha, never heard that one before. I'm gonna have to use it at work now.
 
'Crop Dusting' = Farting while walking past as tables in the dining room
 
I shoulda been a chef. I could talk dirty all day long and no one would think anything of it lol :angel2:

A little OT: why do you guys say "oui"? Why not just "yes"? I remember a very annoying episode of Top Chef masters where everyone was saying "oui". It was constantly "oui chef, oui chef, oui chef" and the chef would say it questionly, "oui?", and they would answer "oui chef"! Ugh. By the end of the episode I couldn't wait for the little piggies to "oui" themselves home.
 
I shoulda been a chef. I could talk dirty all day long and no one would think anything of it lol :angel2:

A little OT: why do you guys say "oui"? Why not just "yes"? I remember a very annoying episode of Top Chef masters where everyone was saying "oui". It was constantly "oui chef, oui chef, oui chef" and the chef would say it questionly, "oui?", and they would answer "oui chef"! Ugh. By the end of the episode I couldn't wait for the little piggies to "oui" themselves home.

Originates from the French revolutionising the way kitchens work... The whole brigade system / army like structure.
Think of it like... Yes Drill sergeant!
We don't all say it. A lot of people would think its weird. But in every high end place I've worked they say it. And when one of the best chefs in your state shouts out an order at you you have all of 0.1 seconds to shout oui or your ass is his.
It's just the way it is. But in more relaxed restaurants everyone says yes.
 
Never worked anywhere that "oui" is required. Some of the guys say it, but I think they've watched too much TV.
 
Family meal = hog trough

Someone who always gets out of assigned tasks = ninja

Water for cooking = "some high quality h2o"
 
Alright I'll throw in..

Chingone- (written phrenetical, is Spanish) short for bad A$$ or boss man

Whay- also phrenetical for Spanish spelling, general term for every person out there, like saying "man" or "dude" in English

Coneho - short for a squirrelly quick moving line cook. It means rabbit in Spanish.

Oie. As stated before has to be said as sarcastically as possible to other line cooks, and as quick and confident to boss man.

I also have a habit for picking out which one of my line cooks are which dinosaur from "land before time" the children's Disney movie from way back.

"Your mom" is always a line for anything, especially if I'm in the weeds.
 
I have a tendency to add 'so hard' to the end of many phrases.

Fish is working....
Right behind you....
Coming down line....

I am a child.


I also have stock responses pre loaded so people can't tell when I am not paying attention to what they are saying. These are:

Yeah buddy!
You know that's right.
These days?
In this economy!?

If you hear me say one of these things there is little to no chance I could repeat what you just said to me. I say these things all the time.

I made up an Italian word that I use as an answer to any dumb Italian geographic or ingredient question. It is Brodoggio. In an Italian accent it sounds fancy. In regular old Americano it is pronounced 'bro dog, yo'.

I have already started using the chefuccino for abandoned coffee drinks. I like that one a lot.
 
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