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Thread: Tell a joke and win a prize!

  1. #31

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Jackson, MI.
    How is Facebook like prison? You sit around wasting time, you write on walls and get "Poked" by people you don't know.

  2. #32
    A guy is carpooling with his buddy and sees two dogs humping away in someone's yard. He looks at his buddy and says "What the hell are those dogs doing? Fighting?" His buddy, shocked, says "What? No! You mean to tell me you don't know about doggy style?" He says no, so his buddy says "Alright, here's what you do. Tonight, play it cool, get your wife 2 margaritas, and you do it just like that."

    The next day, he comes to pick up the guy again, and says "Well?! How was it?"
    "It was great!" The guy says, "But it took 6 margaritas before she'd have sex on the lawn."

  3. #33
    Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
    It's called, Sosumi.

  4. #34
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Pensacola, FL, USA
    A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

    The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

    "Yes I have," says the man.

    "And has she helped you make a decision?"

    "Yes" says the man.

    "What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

    "We're getting granite countertops."

  5. #35
    A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

  6. #36
    I know, I know, this one is old................
    The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza joint and says, "can you make me one with everything?"
    Tom Gray, Seagrove, NC

  7. #37
    Senior Member shankster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    3 traveling salesmen are out in the middle of nowhere when their car breaks down.They walk to the only farmhouse they see and ask the old farmer if they can spend the night.
    The old guy says"sure but I've only got 1 large extra bed so all 3 of ya gonna have to sleep side by side,they say sure no worries.In the morning the guy on the right side of the bed says"I had a dream some girl gave me a hand job!" The guy on the left says"I had the same dream,some girl giving me a hand job!" The guy in the middle says"I had a dream I was skiing!".....

  8. #38
    Didja hear that diarrhea's hereditary?
    Yeah, it runs in the jeans!

  9. #39
    The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.

    Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!"

    An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

  10. #40
    Senior Member
    SpikeC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    This thread is getting out of hand!!
    Spike C
    "The Buddha resides as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of a mountain."

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