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Thread: New Contest for August

  1. #1
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    New Contest for August

    You guys had some good ideas for this month's contest so here is what we will do.

    To enter the contest post a funny story, unusual or embarrassing experience. You can change the names to protect the indecent, I mean innocent. Otherwise Mike is saving the info for future use.

    On August 31st I will use a random number generator to select the winning post number. The prize will be this block of stabilized walnut.

    You could use it as handle material on a custom knife, re-handle a knife you have, or maybe an unusual paperweight.

    I will look forward to what you guys have to post.
    For a bunch of Kitchen Knife Guys you are pretty entertaining.
    Mark Farley / It's a Burl
    Phone 541-592-5071, Email burlsource@burlsales.com
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  2. #2
    Senior Member

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    Here's my story:

    I was playing baseball for my high school team. Playing Centre field - A ball was hit in between me and the right fielder. I called for the ball knowing I would have to dive for it but I had not heard the right fielder call for it. As anyone who plays baseball knows, once the centre fielder calls for it everyone else get out of the way. I ran at full speed and dove for the ball. Next thing I knew I woke up on the field - felt for the ball in my glove and proceeded to show it to the ump. I tried to stand and quickly passed out again. I had dove into the shoulder of the right fielder. I broke all the bones in the right-side of my face (orbital maxilla zygoma nose) and required 10 hour plastic surgery to remove the bones and replace them with plates and titanium mesh and 2 hour ophthalmic surgery to regain a small amount of vision in my eye.

    Now I have to carry a hospital card wherever I go and am prone to being asked if magnet sticks to my face.

    Good luck everyone!

  3. #3
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Just a slight change in the contest.

    Post whatever you think everyone else might think is entertaining.
    It can be a story, experience, joke or photo.

    How about a vampire cat?
    Mark Farley / It's a Burl
    Phone 541-592-5071, Email burlsource@burlsales.com
    Visit our web store

  4. #4

    ecchef's Avatar
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    "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."

    'nuff said.
    Though I could not caution all I still might warn a few; Don't raise your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools. - Robert Hunter

  5. #5
    Mike Davis's Avatar
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    Ok....So for my 22nd birthday, i decided that Jose Cuervo was the drink of the night. I was home from Marquette for the week to visit my parents. They were gone for the night, and i was at their house with my cousin. We decided it would be a good idea to play quarters...He is better than i am. So after the first fifth was gone, i was roarin to go, so we cracked the second one. The details get vague from here on. I woke up on my parents porch at 6am wrapped in a towel. Here are the details as told to me by friends. Apparently after 2 fifths of tequila, i thought it would be a good idea to get butt naked and go for a walk around town. I managed to go over to a friends house and play basketball by myself in the dark at around 12:30 am. After leaving there, another great idea struck me(Sarcasm of course), I proceeded to walk to a local bar, still butt naked..and was there for 45 min. I was told i was taken home from the bar by the local PD, (high school friend)and deposited on my parents front porch where i promptly passed out. I had become the drawing pad for the patrons of the bar....I looked like a Picasso painting....
    Moral of the story
    2 fifths of tequila is entirely too much alcohol to ingest....
    It REALLY does make clothes fall off....
    It makes generally well behaved people do some really stupid stuff....
    It makes the next 2 days SUCK!

    so...yeah....

  6. #6

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    Okay, since the statue of limitations has not run on many of my funny stories, I will tell one on someone else. My youngest brother's best friend is a colo-rectal surgeon. Before he moved on to the greener pastures of Harvard for the rest of his rediency and Georgetown for his fellowship, he was an intern/resident at St, Vincent's hospital which sits at 12th Street and 7th Avenue in Manhattan, on the northern edge of Greenwich Village. Needless to say, the Village has historically had a very large gay population and, to be quite honest a rather colorful one at that. My brothers friend is a straight as they come, but he was also a very good looking 26 year old blonde Polish doc working at the Saturday Night Knife And Gun Club in the Village. In short order, some of the local denizens found out that there was this hunky young medico working at the local hospital who specialized in disorders of the bunghole. All of a sudden, some of them started showing up at the ER looking for young Allen and claiming symptoms of disorders related to his rather amusing specialty. The bad news is that many of these issues involved objects lodged in the, well, lets just say nether regions. After a while, our young doctor couldn't help but notice that not only were there what seemed like an inordinately large number of these cases, but the patients had taken the time and effort in the midst of their great discomfort, to dress in their sexy Sunday best for their visit to the hospital. As our young doctor was a nice Jesuit educated Polish Catholic boy from Ohio, this was all new to him. At some level he found it amusing, but he was really getting tired of these loons wasting his time and hospital resources and although he was not a homophobe, this was pretty nasty stuff regardless of any considerations of sexual orientation. he resolved that if any more of these guys showed up, he would tell them that their condition would required some from of gruesome, invasive surgery to remove the object. That seemed to solve the problem after only one try. A young man, dresssed in his spiffiest outfit of course, came in one Saturday night with a "problem" He claimed that he had accidentally slipped and fallen on a rather large candle, which had, of course, lodged itself far up the descending colon. Our young doctor told him of the horrific and potentially life threatening procedure required to remove the object and the patient thanked him and left the ER as fast as his fashionably shod feet could carry him................WITH HIS MOTHER IN TOW!!!!!!! Yes, you read correctly. Our doctor friend speculated that the "fell on the candle story" was devised in part because the patient had his elderly mother bring him to the hospital to have the offending object removed!!!!!!!!!

  7. #7
    Senior Member Keith Neal's Avatar
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    Name:  lions.jpg
Views: 164
Size:  22.3 KB

    My photos keep getting miniaturized. How do I keep them full size?
    If you reach the age of 60 without becoming a curmudgeon, you haven't been paying attention.

  8. #8
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Like this

    caption for photo "You've been drinking again, haven't you?"
    Mark Farley / It's a Burl
    Phone 541-592-5071, Email burlsource@burlsales.com
    Visit our web store

  9. #9
    Senior Member Keith Neal's Avatar
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    Or, "You bought another knife?!!"
    If you reach the age of 60 without becoming a curmudgeon, you haven't been paying attention.

  10. #10
    Senior Member

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    OK, this isn't a funny or embarrassing story, but I had to share it.

    Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

    The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

    The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."
    “Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”

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