Weird Wood Contest - 2 Winners Saturday 3/10

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Weird Wood Pusher
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These are the only two pieces of weird wood I have like this.
The wood is a stabilized Western Red Cedar bunion type burl.
So instead of selling them I thought I should just give them away in a drawing.
Saturday afternoon I will use the random number generator to select the two winners.
Your post number is your entry for the drawing.

To enter the drawing you can make a post saying I'm in, or something like that.
Only one entry each,
.......Unless you have some good jokes or funny stories.
Then you can enter more than once with each joke you post.
Put each joke in a separate post.

cb002.jpg
 
I'm in! ONE funny story to follow.

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!! :D
 
I'm in!

Only one entry each,
.......Unless you have some good jokes or funny stories.
Then you can enter more than once with each joke you post.

*cracks knuckles* Gonna get my joke engine started...
 
Last week, a lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver dollar off his well-oiled bum.

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?". . . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?"

He answered, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
 
i'm in also. gotta get me some wood. oh wait never mind. i'm still in though.
 
Pensacola Tiger's joke had me laughing so loud that the dogs came to my door to make sure I was all right.
 
A couple drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd.

And looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
 
A wealthy Southern couple were driving down a country road when the wife went into labor. They drove to the nearest country doctor. When they arrived there was a rather poor farmer and his pregnant wife also there. As this Dr. saw patients in his home there wasn't any room for the men, so the nursed shooed them out and told them to go smoke or something. The men dutifully left.
The two ladies had to share the same examining room. While the doctor was getting ready the rich lady leans over and says to the poor lady " for my first child my husband bought me a brand new car." The poor lady says " how very, very nice."
"and for my second baby my husband bought me a brand new mink coat."
" How very, very nice."
" and for my third child he bought me this diamond ring."
" how very, very nice!"
The rich lady inquired, " well, what did your husband get you for your first child?"
The farmers wife quietly answered, " well, he sent me to charm school."
" Charm school! That's a strange gift, whatever for?"
The farmer's wife looks up proudly and says " To teach me how to say, How very, very nice, instead of F@%k you, B!+(h!"





Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.
 
Sven and Ole are walking down the Street and Sven says "Ole, ya know, you an Lena need to start shuttin the blinds when ya get frisky" Ole replies back "vatcha mean Sven?" Ole says "Yust last veek Tuesday, I vas valking my dog and I saw you through your front vindow chasin' Lena neked around the kitchen table." Ole laughs and says "Jokes on you Sven, I vasn't even home last Tuesday night!"
 
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