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Thread: Tell a Joke to Enter Contest 2 Winners - 9/15 Drawing

  1. #81
    Senior Member tkern's Avatar
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    How do you get a vocalist on her knees? Put a recording contract in front of her.

  2. #82
    I got one!

    Q: How do lumber yards make money off of their unusable wood (burl).

    A: They hire a man (Mark) to sell it to artisans for 10 times what it is worth.

    I'm gonna go with Spike on this one and guess that the wood in question is olive wood burl.


    P.S. If you change your mind about the giveaway I'll buy those blocks off ya

  3. #83
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hattorichop View Post
    I got one!
    Q: How do lumber yards make money off of their unusable wood (burl).
    A: They hire a man (Mark) to sell it to artisans for 10 times what it is worth.
    I'm gonna go with Spike on this one and guess that the wood in question is olive wood burl.
    P.S. If you change your mind about the giveaway I'll buy those blocks off ya
    You say this to make a joke but you are pretty accurate.
    It used to be that when wood went to the mills, everything that was not normal, clear straight grain got tossed aside.
    In the redwood mills a lot of the mill workers took those pieces home and stashed them for their own projects.
    It is a good thing that happened because a lot of the better woods that I get come from those hidden stashes.

    The good figured woods will sell for 10+ times what the straight grain lumber will sell for.
    I like supplying knifemakers because they are able to see the value in unique pieces and are willing to put forth the effort needed to show the woods full potential.
    Even the smart a** ones. Just teasing you.
    Mark Farley / Burl Source
    Phone 541-287-1029, Email burlsource@gmail.com
    Visit our web store

  4. #84
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Contest Drawing Winners

    Remember when I said that bad jokes have just as much chance of winning as good jokes?
    Well.......I rest my case.

    1st drawing was the gray chest hairs joke.
    2nd drawing was me, so a re-draw
    3rd drawing was me, re-draw again
    4th drawing was the spooky dooky joke.

    Congratulations
    #1 Steeley post #25
    #2 Knyfenerd post #11

    Send me a PM with your shipping info and I will put your prizes in the mail.

    BTW; it is Olive Burl
    Mark Farley / Burl Source
    Phone 541-287-1029, Email burlsource@gmail.com
    Visit our web store

  5. #85
    Senior Member Lucretia's Avatar
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    Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted for a gift.

    "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

    Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.

    Johnny's mother, being a religious woman, wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

    Letter 1:
    Dear God,

    I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

    Your friend, Johnny


    Johnny knew that wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year so he tore up the letter and started over.


    Letter 2:
    Dear God, I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

    Johnny


    Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either. So he wrote a third letter.

    Letter 3:
    God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you send me a bike for my birthday. Please!

    Thank you, Johnny

    Johnny knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now Johnny was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Johnny's mother thought her plan had worked as Johnny looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother told him.

    Johnny walked down the street to the church on the corner. He went into the church and up to the altar and looked around to see if anyone was there. Johnny bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under his shirt, and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

    Johnny began to write his letter to God.

    Letter 4:
    God:

    I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

    Signed, YOU KNOW WHO
    Now is not the time to bother me. And it's always now. Wiley Miller

  6. #86
    Senior Member Lucretia's Avatar
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    What what what???!?!?!?! It's the 15th already?!?!?!
    Now is not the time to bother me. And it's always now. Wiley Miller

  7. #87
    This was a lot of fun! Thanks for the give-away Mark.

    PS: That olive was awful pretty.. Got any more coming your way?

  8. #88
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Lucretia wins consolation prize!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucretia View Post
    What what what???!?!?!?! It's the 15th already?!?!?!
    Lucretia caught the fact that I can't tell what day it is so she gets a consolation prize.
    An official Oregon Gardeners Camo T-Shirt.
    Mark Farley / Burl Source
    Phone 541-287-1029, Email burlsource@gmail.com
    Visit our web store

  9. #89

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    Quote Originally Posted by Burl Source View Post
    Lucretia caught the fact that I can't tell what day it is so she gets a consolation prize.
    An official Oregon Gardeners Camo T-Shirt.

  10. #90
    Weird Wood Pusher Burl Source's Avatar
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    Lucretia,
    If you don't want the Gardener's T-Shirt, I can get you a genuine Hippie dyed tie dye t-shirt from a local guy.
    He is an old timer hippie that was one of the Takilma founders.
    Just let me know.
    Mark Farley / Burl Source
    Phone 541-287-1029, Email burlsource@gmail.com
    Visit our web store

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