Man some sick and funny stuff goes on in kitchens. I know I am forgetting some going on's but a few off the top of my head.
Me personally I was working an open line one night with two of my guys. We had Grill, Saute, Pantry, and Wood Fired Brick pizzas. Normally a 4 man line and least. 5 or 6 when really busy. Well, we got REALLY busy on a day we were always slow on. I was working Pantry and Pizzas since they were so close and I was the fastest. Full rail on both... I banged out almost all the salads after stretching the dough for the pizzas on the board, was putting the last salad in the window trying to get back to the finish the pizzas and as I raised my head up slammed it into the corner of the ticket rail the was on the shelf where they kept the mixing bowls. I tightened the strap on my hat and pushed out the pizza tickets. Was getting the second to last one out when saute looked at me and said, " Uh, you better go to the bathroom" ... As I could feel the blood start to roll down my face. Good thing they had taken the bar stools away from the pizza counter shortly before that or I might of freaked some kids and parents out.
Other than that I hacked into my hand with a thick german chef knife when I missed punching a whole into the back corner of an extra virgin olive oil can. 12 stitches. The worst (and most stupid) cut I ever had.
The all time story ever I can think of (I didn't personally witness it) was from a pizza chef I worked with. It was my first Sous job at 18. He was not one to BS a whole lot so I believed he was being honest and swore it was the truth. He said he had a job running some pizza huts (this was long time ago mind you, they did things different) and one of the stores in the area was always etremely busy. He was sent over there to help out because they were having trouble keeping up. Told us one night they were completely wiped out and had very little dough left. They had a head kitchen manager who made the dough for the entire store since they opened (yes Pizza stores used to make their own dough). Steve (pizza chef telling the story) said he told the manager no worried he would come help out early next morning making dough. Guy insisted he didn't need help. Steve told him no worries, he was sent there just for this reason. He would come early and help out. Again the guy was persistent he did not need any help and had been fine keeping up and doing it by his self.
Steve said he told him ok but decided he was going in anyways as at the moment that store was his responsibilty. So he got there at 5am and kitchen mananger was already there. So he comes in back door and hears something. He turns the corner and sees dude with his pants down at his ankles and his d!ck in the dough which is on the table and as he's smacking it and going to town. He called the police and guy was arrested ... if he was telling the truth, which I believe him, that beats anything I think I have personally seen. And perhaps the real reason pizza hut pre-fabs all their dough in now :O
-Bryan
PS ... In Colin's Hankey story honor ... In a "high-end" place I worked at one of the managers was asked to do something about a stall in the womens bathroom ... upon walking in the he saw $h!t all over the toilet, then noticed it on the walls, then if that wasn't enough, on the ceiling. He had to get a LADDER to clean it, it was not a short ceiling. It's still a mystery. More disgusting stuff happened at that place then some of the more casual places I worked at.