"Attention all units this is Knife Use Enforcement Agency Dispatch. We have a report of a serious knife use violation."
"Uh, Dispatch this is Unit X86 please advise with details."
"Roger X86, subject has posted an image of a nakiri being used for...Um...Uh hum... slicing ham."
"Copy Dispatch. Any further on the subject?"
"X86 only further is subject is in Eastern Washington. All units, be advised, this is Class A Felony under the Internet Knife Rules Act of 2018."
"Hey X86 this is FU2."
"Yeah I got ya. Go Thad."
"Roger Carmichael, hey I'm pretty sure I've dealt with this guy before. Subject is an older gentleman. Cantankerous and real issues with authority."
"Copy that Thad. He's got past violations then?"
"Oh yeah. Numerous counts of denouncing 240 gyuto's, being critical of popular knife makers, puts iron clad knives on his board without wiping them first and even liking inexpensive knives. Oh and get this buddy, he's a known associate of the Cleaver Freaks!"
"The Cleaver...Oh ****..."
"All units... All units, this is Dispatch, approach with extreme caution!"