Share your 'Dad Jokes' thread

[Xunzi]

If you’re going to eat it tomorrow, you’re not making pasta… you’re making futura!

The price of not being presenta-minded.

 

[J_Wisdom]

Guy calls the fire department and says "you have to get here quickly, my house is on fire". They said, how do we get there? He replies what happened to that red truck you use to have?

 

[ch_br]

What does a nosey pepper do?

Gets jalapeno business!

 

[Xunzi]

I’m a kleptomaniac. Sometimes when it gets really bad I have to take something for it.

 

[bahamaroot]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

 

[Dhoff]

I apologize for this sexist joke. Still funny from an achetype and prejudice view.

"My wife told me to get in touch with my feminine side... So I crashed the car and refused to talk to her the rest of the day for no reason".

Especially funny to me since I've by far made the most damage to our car(s)

 

[javi_rome]

What's green and not very heavy..... light green!

I'll see my way out

 

[JAKsQandBrew]

Why does the Swedish navy but bar codes on all their ships?

Because they scan-di-navian

 

[M1k3]

Why does the Swedish navy but bar codes on all their ships?

Because they scan-di-navian

@Carl Kotte @RDalman @Björn Birgersson

 

[bahamaroot]

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese

 

[ch_br]

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese

breakin' out the super oldskool

 

[chefwp]

Q: where did the general keep his armies?

A: in his sleavies of course

 

[Xunzi]

Have you heard about the midget fortune teller who is on the run from the police? He’s a small medium at large.

 

[ch_br]

What's a knife smith's favorite beverage?

Tang

 

[r0bz]

"What happened to the application of the dull knife? It had been turned down and he simply was not able to make the cut"

on a more serious note do you think martin knows he's cleaver needs some sharpening?

 

[Knivperson]

There are 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary and those who dont.

 

[Knivperson]

...

 

[TheGreek]

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her. She was seeing someone on the side. . .

 

[Xunzi]

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her. She was seeing someone on the side. . .

Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think you ever saw eye to eye?

 

[ch_br]

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

 

[Michi]

Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

 

[r0bz]

Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

this one is very good mate

 

[agp]

 

[chefwp]

My dog ate all our scrabble tiles. The next time he goes may spell 'disaster'

 

[chefwp]

 

[ch_br]

What did the triangle say to the circle?

Your life has no point!

 

[M1k3]

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.

 

[ch_br]

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

 

[ch_br]

What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?


You're toast!

 

[RonB]

I went to a haunted bakery yesterday…


That place really gave me the crepes.