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O.k., I 'll play. My grandma's brother had emigrated to the US and returned to Germany in 1964. I grew up with him telling me stories about how wonderful America is, so I saved a little money, worked a few months after high school and then my the girlfriend and I flew over to San Francisco, hitchhiked over to El Paso, then by hitchhiking, bus and train through Mexico, from Yucatan to Miami and back home to Germany, a 4 month trip.

Of course, we were young and naive and didn't have enough money, so we mostly slept outside or in a small tent, at least in the US (more in the tent after awakening in New Mexico one morning with a tarantula walking by a foot from my face...). This was 1981 when this was already crazy but not suicidal like today. Lots of wacko stories on that trip, one to remember was this:

We had hitchhiked and arrived in a godforsaken town somewhere, I think in AZ but don't even remember, on a Friday evening around 8. It was like a scene out of American Graffiti, one Main Street and cars cruising up and down, checking out the girls on the sidewalks. We walked around a bit, hung out at the 50s diner for a while, eventually got tired, and decided not to look for a hotel. In a side street we found an obviously unoccupied house with a back yard that was protected a bit from open view, so we rolled out our sleeping bags and went to sleep.

Next thing I know, there was a bright light when I woke up. After adjusting a bit, I realized that the bright light came from a spotlight on the Sherrif's cruiser which was pointed on us. Two officers were standing there in shooting position with drawn guns, telling us to get up - very very slowly and with our hands in plain sight all the time... Turns out, the priest across the street did not do the Christian thing (invite poor foreign travelers;) ) but called the Sherrif . There was a lengthy check of documentation, some discussion, some education about private property even if deserted (which I as an avid socialist at the time wanted to dispute but then thought better of it when my girlfriend started hitting me...). In the end, the Sherrif called a cab and had us driven outside of the city limits. The cab driver was stunned and told us that the Sherrif was known for shooting or booking people first and asking questions later, so we were very lucky.

Exhausted, we rolled up our sleeping bags again on the first lawn outside the city limits and went back to sleep - until we were woken up by noisy insects, and it started to rain. While we, groggily, were wondering whether we should put up our tent, it stopped raining and we went back to sleep - only to be woken up by rain and insects what seemed a short time later. At that point we realized that the insect noises and the rain were an automatic sprinkler which neither of us had experienced before, something for rich folk... It was a short night, but that picture of the Sherrif aiming at me with a pretty big revolver has been burned into my memory...

Stefan
 
hmm from your pic I would have thought you were a bender robot.:stinker:
 
come on guys! Get your stories in just over 23 hours left before it's over. Remember you can always have someone use it to make you something or make yourself a one of a kind solid ivory handle. Cut it up into spacers or ferrules. give me some stories that's all it takes to get in.
good luck, Son
 
Ok Son I have been thinking and this is what I come up with.

I lived pretty much in K. C. for about 10 years. Working for a football player you get to meet quite a few people. One person I really ended up liking was/is Tony Gonzalez. This is a urban legend about him, I have heard it through a few people but never had the chance to confirm it.

In Kansas City there is a place with many bars and restaurants. A college is close by also, so many people that are just walking about all the time. This young woman was going home one night after closing time (3 am). She happened across a guy that she never knew who attacked her. At one point he started ripping off her clothes, to go for the big bad r word. Just as she is screaming some guy with a duffel bag over his shoulder attacks the guy. Tony stopped the assault made sure the girl was ok called the cops and left.

He could have kept on moving, and done nothing. But he risked his career and life to help her out.

Not sure on the validity of the story but it does fit the person I had known for a few years.
 
just sold my CBR600f4, jewel of a bike to the chef of where I work.

2 weeks later he lowsides and totals it.

My heart bleeds.

poor bike, Hes ok though!
 
When I was 8 my father gave my brother and I a XR100 dirtbike. It being Christmas and the same year the xbox 1 was released and me being a super gamer at the time, I chose to stay home and play counterstrike on it. When my brother first got on it he literally rammed a fence and went straight through. He had a piece of wood the size of a pencil stuck in his shoulder under the skin(GIANT SPLINTER!) and to think, it would have been me on that bike! he is ok now though, not even a big scar, about the size of a nickle.
 
going Through culinary school I hated the knives they provided us. 2 years before I started they gave out very nice wusthofs, but because the sets were $400 or somthing people would lose them and couldnt afford another so they moved to... MERCER knives. I think they are the worst piece of crap Knives in the world. All of them were stamped and had plastic handles. I upgraded to a nice shun classic 8" and 4.5" shun classic paring after my first year. during my last semester I found KKF and bought a CCK1303 and decided I loves cleavers aswell. I always got stupid looks for classmates and underclassmen but my chef instructor thought it was awesome because he loves international technique and skills.

And thats why I loves cleavers!
 
To keep in the motorcycle vein............
.........about 17 years ago I bought a sweet bike. I shiny eggplant purple Kawasaki ZX6. I taught myself how to ride it after almost killing myself several times. What fun! Those who have never been on a bike just don't understand.
One fine spring day I was riding through my neighborhood to work in the morning. I was probably doing 60mph in a 25mph zone. A garbage truck decides to cut me off. In my inexperience, I apply much too much pressure to the front brake, and kind of jerk the handlebars to the left too. No bueno!!! So I flip off the bike and go sliding down the hill a good 40 ft on my face and arms/legs. I stand up, look at the garbage truck driver who has a Hustler magazine in his hands-nice!
Look at the bike-Damn! it's toast. I was only wearing chef pants and a white tee so I'm missing about 25-30 percent of my skin. Ouch! Light up a cigarette, wait for the ambulance to come. The adrenaline wears off in about 10 minutes and it starts to hurt real bad. I can see my skin and hair stuck in the pavement like skin skid marks.
If I wasn't wearing a full-face helmet that day, I'd be dead now!
At the E.R. they give one Vicodin and 2 minutes later begin to scrub the gravel out of my wounds. That was the most painful part. That and totalling the bike.
I had to miss over 2 months of work, took way more pain meds than I ever hope to again. My girlfriend at the time was sweet enough to hook me up with lots of sponge-baths though.
Do I want another bike, hellz yes! But my wife says not until after the kids graduate from college, which isn't anytime soon. I would never go for a crotch-rocket again either.
That's just what I get for buying a purple motorcycle.
 
Salty, that is an awesome story. Ok i have a "not as young as i once was" kind of story...ending in personal injury lol. Christmas 2010. My sister in law was in town on leave from the marines. She and my brother in law decided to go snowboarding the day after, and i was invited. So we were up and off first thing in the morning. After a hour and forty five minute drive, we arrived at the hill. We gear up, pay our day fee and head to the lift. After making it to the top, we decide a path. I am horribly out of practice(been ten years) and i should have done a warm up run. I decided to lean into it and am cooking down the hill at around 35-40 mph. I made it through the first set of bumps and made it clean off the first jump. Confidence is soaring, i decide to cut straight down and hit the big jump. Apparently i was going faster than i thought, i did a 360 off the jump. I overrotated, by 45 degrees. The edge of my snowboard dug into the hill when i landed, i catapaulted face first into the frozen hill face. The force of said collision on my face knocked me out cold. When i woke up, i was laying in a puddle of blood(broken nose) and it hurt to breathe. Apparently i had my arm in front of me, landed on a closed fist directly in my sternum. Overall toll was broken nose, fractured cheek bone, 4 broken ribs, fractured sternum (3 ribs seperated from sternum) and a broken thumb. I had anticipated a fun day of cruising the slopes, instead it was an ER trip, a lot of wasted insurance money and a 3 month span before i could lay on my back. The moral of the story, enjoy being young.....While you still heal well :)
 
Okay Son, here is a story by me. As a side note, your contest has reminded me of how much fun I used to have writing and drawing and that I really should get back to doing more of that sort of stuff again, so thanks! :)

* * *

Sunset

This society is in free-fall.

I'm sitting on my fifth story balcony, overlooking the city as the sun sets. A smoky summer orange descending on the horizon, it tints the streets and the whitewashed walls of the new highrises on the outskirts in a translucent shade of red. It is the heavenly, luminescent cousin of the dull red streaks and stains that fleck the sidewalks with their morose and earthly splatter.

I smoke my cigarette and think of the time when people used to die for a reason instead of a triviality, when a man could go about his daily business without being armed, when a girl could run two blocks from the corner store to her home without the constant fear that stalking eyes were on her, waiting to drag her into an alley and beat her, rape her and kill her. The lucky girls are just left for dead where they fall. The unlucky ones are the ones who walk away, who make it as far as a police station where they're taken in by the cops and the beatings and the rape happen all over again.

There was a time when things were better. Back then the drug runners would come through town and make their deals with the police and the boarder guards. They were simply another part of the way things worked. The gangs would roam around after dark and if you got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, then you were going to be robbed for sure and had to count yourself lucky if they didn't beat you to the ground too. But they saved the killing for each other. The bark of guns in the alleyways, flashing muzzles and screaming teenagers writhing on the ground with blood spurting through their fingers and all the excitement replaced by terror and pain. If any of those kids ever grew up, they'd be as old as me now, but I don't think they did. They either died or were crushed beneath the advance of time in a world that has no place in its heart for those who try to repent.

There is a sign that stands at the side of the plaza at the center of town. It is made from a piece of scrap metal hauled from one of the many junkyards that surround the city with their stink and their piles of trash higher than half the homes that the poor people are forced to live in. Written on it in thick, waterproof marker are two lists. On the left, under the heading "Those who do not believe" is a list of names that gets longer every few days or so, sometimes by one, sometimes by a few at a time. On the other side, "Those who do" is another list, made up entirely of names from the left. You have to be crossed out on the left in order to move to the right, and you have to be dead to be crossed out. A name gets crossed off every Saturday night. In a saner place, the killer would never advertise his intentions in such a way. It would be too easy to end up caught, or at least too easy for the cops to protect the threatened victims. But not here. Here the cops are too scared that their names will end up on the list.

The police were never part of the solution but they weren't always part of the problem. It used to be that they just took their bribes and their payoffs and went about things as if nothing was going on. And you could even expect them to help you, if you had the money and you were in the right kind of trouble. That all changed when the army came in. The soldiers were sent by the new government to crack down on the flow of drugs, to run the narcos out of town and to make things look clean and presentable for the foreign powers across the borders. It was an audacious move. For a while, it even worked. Things were shaken up, the narcos didn't know how to react, and things seemed to pacify. Foreign investors came in and brought thousands of jobs with them--all the jobs that people in their countries wouldn't do because the pay was too low. Factories rose around the city and the highrises went up to house the people who came from all over to work in them. But it was all an illusion that masked what was to come.

The drug lords fought back in the most insidious way they knew how. The cartels set aside their rivalries and streamlined their operations. Just like the foreign investors, they kept their eyes on the goals of maximizing profit and cutting out the waste. They bought the police and let the gangs kill each other off or be hunted down. They focused on moving the big money drugs across the boarder and let the lesser stuff sit where it was. Here. And so we went from being the place that all the bad stuff went through on its way elsewhere to being steeped in it ourselves. The foreigner governments told our men in office to fight harder, but their investors saw where things were headed and decided to pull out. The big companies moved their operations elsewhere, to countries where they didn't have to deal with this problem and the people would work for even less, and the factories here closed. The highrises closed--nobody could afford to live in them anymore--and were bought by the cartels and used to store their stuff. A hundred thousand people out of work, sitting on nothing but their misery and piles of drugs.

Here's how you make a living nowadays: you can try for honest work and pray to God that you will squeak on by. You can deal on the side, poison your family and neighbors for ten times that much. Or you can help the cartels kill all the people who did them wrong or raised a voice against them and earn ten times that again. We all pray for things to change, but nobody has any illusions anymore.

I put out my cigarette and grab the black duffel bag with my tools inside, making sure that the black, waterproof marker is there on top. It's Saturday night, and I have to go to work.
 
This was sent as an email to me, I could have seen me trying this in a younger year...

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!


Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.


Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.


· My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.


· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.


· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.


· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.


· I had no control over the drooling.


· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.


· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
 
Okay Son, here is a story by me. As a side note, your contest has reminded me of how much fun I used to have writing and drawing and that I really should get back to doing more of that sort of stuff again, so thanks! :)

* * *

Sunset

This society is in free-fall.

I'm sitting on my fifth story balcony, overlooking the city as the sun sets. A smoky summer orange descending on the horizon, it tints the streets and the whitewashed walls of the new highrises on the outskirts in a translucent shade of red. It is the heavenly, luminescent cousin of the dull red streaks and stains that fleck the sidewalks with their morose and earthly splatter.

I smoke my cigarette and think of the time when people used to die for a reason instead of a triviality, when a man could go about his daily business without being armed, when a girl could run two blocks from the corner store to her home without the constant fear that stalking eyes were on her, waiting to drag her into an alley and beat her, rape her and kill her. The lucky girls are just left for dead where they fall. The unlucky ones are the ones who walk away, who make it as far as a police station where they're taken in by the cops and the beatings and the rape happen all over again.

There was a time when things were better. Back then the drug runners would come through town and make their deals with the police and the boarder guards. They were simply another part of the way things worked. The gangs would roam around after dark and if you got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, then you were going to be robbed for sure and had to count yourself lucky if they didn't beat you to the ground too. But they saved the killing for each other. The bark of guns in the alleyways, flashing muzzles and screaming teenagers writhing on the ground with blood spurting through their fingers and all the excitement replaced by terror and pain. If any of those kids ever grew up, they'd be as old as me now, but I don't think they did. They either died or were crushed beneath the advance of time in a world that has no place in its heart for those who try to repent.

There is a sign that stands at the side of the plaza at the center of town. It is made from a piece of scrap metal hauled from one of the many junkyards that surround the city with their stink and their piles of trash higher than half the homes that the poor people are forced to live in. Written on it in thick, waterproof marker are two lists. On the left, under the heading "Those who do not believe" is a list of names that gets longer every few days or so, sometimes by one, sometimes by a few at a time. On the other side, "Those who do" is another list, made up entirely of names from the left. You have to be crossed out on the left in order to move to the right, and you have to be dead to be crossed out. A name gets crossed off every Saturday night. In a saner place, the killer would never advertise his intentions in such a way. It would be too easy to end up caught, or at least too easy for the cops to protect the threatened victims. But not here. Here the cops are too scared that their names will end up on the list.

The police were never part of the solution but they weren't always part of the problem. It used to be that they just took their bribes and their payoffs and went about things as if nothing was going on. And you could even expect them to help you, if you had the money and you were in the right kind of trouble. That all changed when the army came in. The soldiers were sent by the new government to crack down on the flow of drugs, to run the narcos out of town and to make things look clean and presentable for the foreign powers across the borders. It was an audacious move. For a while, it even worked. Things were shaken up, the narcos didn't know how to react, and things seemed to pacify. Foreign investors came in and brought thousands of jobs with them--all the jobs that people in their countries wouldn't do because the pay was too low. Factories rose around the city and the highrises went up to house the people who came from all over to work in them. But it was all an illusion that masked what was to come.

The drug lords fought back in the most insidious way they knew how. The cartels set aside their rivalries and streamlined their operations. Just like the foreign investors, they kept their eyes on the goals of maximizing profit and cutting out the waste. They bought the police and let the gangs kill each other off or be hunted down. They focused on moving the big money drugs across the boarder and let the lesser stuff sit where it was. Here. And so we went from being the place that all the bad stuff went through on its way elsewhere to being steeped in it ourselves. The foreigner governments told our men in office to fight harder, but their investors saw where things were headed and decided to pull out. The big companies moved their operations elsewhere, to countries where they didn't have to deal with this problem and the people would work for even less, and the factories here closed. The highrises closed--nobody could afford to live in them anymore--and were bought by the cartels and used to store their stuff. A hundred thousand people out of work, sitting on nothing but their misery and piles of drugs.

Here's how you make a living nowadays: you can try for honest work and pray to God that you will squeak on by. You can deal on the side, poison your family and neighbors for ten times that much. Or you can help the cartels kill all the people who did them wrong or raised a voice against them and earn ten times that again. We all pray for things to change, but nobody has any illusions anymore.

I put out my cigarette and grab the black duffel bag with my tools inside, making sure that the black, waterproof marker is there on top. It's Saturday night, and I have to go to work.

sounds like sinaloa
 
sounds like sinaloa

Yes--I wrote this after reading a series of articles on on the socio-political situations in Central American countries and Sinaloa featured heavily. I opted not to put any specific names in the text though, since I feel like this is not the sort of circumstance that can be attributed to only one time or place; apply the right combination of factors and events and almost any place can end up like that.
 
Yes--I wrote this after reading a series of articles on on the socio-political situations in Central American countries and Sinaloa featured heavily. I opted not to put any specific names in the text though, since I feel like this is not the sort of circumstance that can be attributed to only one time or place; apply the right combination of factors and events and almost any place can end up like that.

i just recognize some of the players as they fit in with some of my former... lets say associates . past life that I don't remember too much of thank god
 
Would be really satisfying to put the name on the other side of that list of the would be assassins one at a time. I hate a bully whether a individual or a group. That story really upsets me that people have to live that way. I have intentionally hung out with wah Ching, groups where everybody is a cousin kiss on the cheeks with suits guys,hazard in LA where people walk on sidewalk in the daytime with oozies. I always kept my own seperate opinion and identity. I was young and wanting to see how the world was drinking,etc. After private schools and growing up on a private island. Been sober since 6/18/89. I had all the fun I could stand. For normal people doing normal life to have to live in that type of situation is way beyond upsetting.
 
And the winner is the Hekler, as chosen by my roommates three unbiased fat-ass cats. placed all the names in the bag tossed in the cats and the one that came out with the sticky stuck on them picked the winner. congratulations!
 
And the winner is the Hekler, as chosen by my roommates three unbiased fat-ass cats. placed all the names in the bag tossed in the cats and the one that came out with the sticky stuck on them picked the winner. congratulations!

Lol you should have shot that, and up it on u-tube.

Gratz Hekler!!!:dance:cool:
 
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Congratulations Hekler!


But guys, don't stop here. Some awesome stories and i would love to hear more!
Especially by Son! He's lived a very interesting life and should have lots of stories to tell.
 
Wow, really? thanks Son! It's things like this that really make this forum the best on the internet and all too often Son is the guy behind them. I can't speak for others but If I see a post by you it's often the first one I'll click on, whether it's you telling us the back story one a French 'gangs of new York' type knife, or describing a beautiful French lady, you have a easy way of writing along with the most interesting stories, please keep it up!
 
Congratulations hekler, what are you going to do with it? Let us know, we love the wips. Thanks again to son for his generosity.
I really enjoyed this thread. Writing about these memories and stories was fun for me. It's kinda like bringing them back to life.
Thanks to everyone for sharing. I think Pierre's was my favorite!
 
Congrats Hekler!! You will love this stuff, it looks pretty amazing when polished up. Son, you sir are a class act.
 
Congrats Heckler and once again a big thumbs up to Son for being such an awesome guy! :doublethumbsup:
 
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