Share your 'Dad Jokes' thread

[DamageInc]

I went to my bosses funeral. I walked up to the casket, kneeled down and whispered "who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"

 

[DamageInc]

When I die, I want to be cremated.

It will be my last chance to have a smoking hot body.

 

[chefwp]

One tectonic plate ground into the other, saying, "sorry, my fault"

 

[bahamaroot]

How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?


With a pumpkin patch.

 

[Xunzi]

What’s the difference between an ostrich?

Both legs are equally long.

 

[Michi]

What's the difference between a crocodile?

The greener, the swim.

PS: Those jokes go back to the seventies, if I remember correctly.

 

[Ant4d]

The Chicken received a life sentence for foul play.

 

[TheGreek]

It takes time for a Dad joke to mature. I mean can you really call it a dad joke until it's full groan?

 

[musicman980]

Here's a classical music dad joke @Heckel7302

I don't like the E minor alberti bass, it gives me the e-b-g-b 's.

 

[Heckel7302]

Here's a classical music dad joke @Heckel7302

I don't like the E minor alberti bass, it gives me the e-b-g-b 's.

A man after my own heart.

 

[bahamaroot]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right!

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

I used to be really addicted to hokey pokey.

But I turned myself around.

And that's what it's all about.

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

Wanna hear a carpentry joke?

Gimme a minute, I'm working on it.

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

How did the hamburger introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

What does a painter do when they're cold?

Put on another coat.

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

Where do pirates get their hooks?

Second hand stores.

 

[ch_br]

What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?

"He got the stuffing knocked out of him!"

 

[ch_br]

Thanksgiving (boxing) day edition:

"What kind of weather does a turkey like?"

Fowl weather.

 

[ch_br]

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his ashes kept in his favorite beer mug.

... His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

 

[chefwp]

This is in response to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE!

 

[chefwp]

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

What do cows tell their calves at bedtime?




Dairy tales.

 

[bahamaroot]

How do you make holy water?


You boil the hell out of it.

 

[bahamaroot]

Which knight invented King Arthur's Round Table?


Sir Cumference

 

[bahamaroot]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick

 

[parbaked]

Here’s a Thanksgiving one…

What did the turkey hen say to her chicks when they misbehaved?

“Your father would turn over in his gravy.”

 

[HumbleHomeCook]

How much does Santa have to pay to park his sleigh?









Nothing. It's on the house.

 

[bahamaroot]

What's Santa's favorite type of music?






Wrap

 

[bahamaroot]

Which of Santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of?






Comet