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Oak burl...

One day, mama fly and baby fly was having lunch together.
Baby fly asked "Why do we have to eat poops all the time?"
Mama fly angrily replied "Don't use such unsavory word at the table. Hurry and eat while it's still hot and fresh."
 
Cherry?

Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?






A: There are M&M shells all over the floor.
 
Did you hear about the cheese-grater Stevie Wonder's wife got him for his birthday?

Most violent book he's ever read.
 
Joining the maple train on this one. But I'm terrible at recognizing woods, except for buckeye for obvious reasons
 
Ok, a joke - helps to read this one aloud:

Q: Why do you only eat one egg for breakfast in France???

A: Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

Boom!
 
Walnut

Man walks into a cake shop and there's a sign saying all cakes £5.

He says I'll take that one there. Man behind the counter says that costs £10

Why?

That's madeira cake
 
A couple are on vacation in Russia and they are touring the Parliament Building. When they come outside it's precipitating and their guide, Rudolph says "It's raining". "Oh no" the man says, "it's snowing. To which his wife replies, "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear."
 
Spalted Maple.

An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walk into a bar.
Each orders a pint of beer.
A Fly lands in the Englishman's beer, turning slightly green, he pushes his beer away and asks for another one.
A second fly lands in the Scottsman's beer.
The Scott takes the fly out, shruggs, and drinks his beer.
A third fly lands in the Irishman's beer.
Outraged the Irishman plucks the fly from his brew, pinches the fly between his fingers and yells....
"SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
 
myrtlewood?



What do you call a fish without an eye?





fsh
 
Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"

Husband - "I'm so sorry, honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband - "Fine. We finished in under four hours, then I had a quick beer in the Clubhouse. I hopped in the car, and would have been here at noon, but on the way home, I spotted a girl half my age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it - Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room here, and suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the talking stopped....and well, it must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth....you got it."

Wife - "Bull! You played 36 holes, didn't you!"
 
Two small town octogenarians met on the sidewalk and stuck up a conversation. One asks the other, "Hey, was that you or your brother that died?"

Osage orange - bodock around here.
 
Girl: If we get married, will you quit smoking?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: How about your drinking? Will you quit it too?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: No more night clubs as well?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Anything else you'll give up for me?
Boy: The idea of getting married.
 
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