Please do tell-a, the story abouta Stella!
Were zombies involved?
Crackheads?
Kardashians?
Crazy little wannabe gang bangers the first time. I was cut off in the road, and they brought knives to a machete fight. I THINK it was to do with who I was dating at the time, but the cops said it was probably a robbery attempt. I was working a lawn service crew back then so had her in my back seat. They did stab me, but I hacked his leg up something good. They ended up hobbling away. Got the guy I got with the machete because he had to go to the hospital.
The SECOND time she, "saved my life" I was with my wife who was just a friend at the time, and another one of our mutual friends who was visiting from Ohio. He was a big burly teddy bear of a man, but he's gay and had some theory back then that if he could pull some big, burly guys all for himself if he shaved his head and got a septum piercing, and he did look mean. I was in a "goth" phase, so I had this half shaved head, half spiked hair look going on. These two guys in a freaking parking lot at a gas station we had gone to get some coffee in Barstow before we set off on our road trip to Vegas had APPARENTLY been maced and beaten up really bad by a bunch of skinheads, and could barely see, but apparently saw enough of us and our partially shaven/totally shaven heads to conclude we were the guys who had attacked them. I tried reasoning with the guy but he pulls this knife on me, and the girl who was with them ran out between us and seemed to calm the guy down. We make it inside the gas station and tell the attendant to call 911, and she says, "Aren't you the Nazis that beat the crap out of them?!" I say, HELL NO! This guy's gay! We're just sexy with shaved heads. She sort of laughs it off, tells us that the maced guys already called 911 half an hour ago. Then she tells us to get out of the store so we don't get the place messed up. We walk out of the gas station, and the one dude who we dubbed "Brock Lessner" who could've broken me in half comes running at us with his knife. I tell my friends to run, and we all RUN to the car. I had Stella under the front seat at that time cause I was driving from Texas to California to meet up with my friends and after past incidents in my life I had grown paranoid; pulled it out from the car, turned around, and went BraveHeart on that guy's ass screaming as loud as I could. He scared the effing crap out of me, lmao, I had to do SOMETHING! He saw Stella and he skidded to a halt like he was in a freaking cartoon. I started yelling and trying to just sound as mean as I could, told him I was from Texas, and if I had been the guy he thought I was I'd have just shot him and been done with it. He ends up apologizing to me, and shaking all our hands. That's when I find out about the mace and the skinheads, and everything else that led to that series of unfortunate events.
The BEST PART of that whole Barstow drama was the chick with those two guys, and the first thing I heard when getting out of the car and walking towards the gas station was, "Is that those mother f******?! GET EM!" and that girl screaming, "THAT'S NOT THE GUYS! THAT'S NOT THE GUYS!" After the whole thing was done she slapped the effing crap out of that guy and told him, "I TOLD you that wasn't the guys." She gave me a big hug.