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Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.
 
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the alley late last night?
One was a salted.

:bat:
 
Woo hoo! I'm in.
Maple on most left, box elder on the third.
Thanks!!!
 
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. Dont know why but i found this hilarious..
 
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
 
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died recently?

He Pastaway.


BTW - this is a great joke to figure out what an employees courtesy laugh sounds like.
 
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. - George Carlin

“Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” – Mark Twain
 
joke # 2: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's this obscure esoteric number, you've probably never heard of it.
 
Rahul and Andy were standing next to a guy with a bandana and a tattooed teardrop and who was holding a knife.

Rahul said, "I don't want to hang out here."

Andy looked back with amusement and said, "Don't judge people by how they look."

Rahul retorted, "The dude's got a knife"

Andy quipped, "Hey, he could be a chef!"
 
-Captain, you have a steering wheel in your pants!
-Yaaarr, it's driving me nuts.
 
If you can guess how many lollipops I have in my pocket, you can have them both.
 
Joke #1

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
 
Maple, Redwood, Spalted maple, Silky Oak

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: "It’s cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

Q: What happens if you miss your Ex-Wife?
A: Get better aim
 
Hmm, I think my post above was supposed to say something + about KKF. Either way, KKF helps keep my spending money at an all-time low, which I appreciate.

Semi-joke, from Louis CK: I don’t stop eating when I’m full. The meal isn’t over when I’m full. It’s over when I hate myself.

EDIT: I think I'm confusing the giveaways. haha
 
Jokes about german sausage are the wurst :eyebrow:
 
What does a snail say when it's riding on a turtle's back?



Weeeeeeeeeeee!!
 
a little twisted humor:

An old lady enters a restaurant and orders herself a hamburger. Behind the counter, the waiter shouts to the Chef, "One burger!"

"Coming up" the chef says. He then grabs a hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpiit and pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat before throwing it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.

"Yeah?" says the counterman. "Be glad you aren't here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."
 
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