Worst favor as a chef

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mille162

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I’m often asked for over the top “favors” from friends. Things like “oh, and could you bring that great lobster dish you made at your last dinner party” or after showing up “would you mind stepping in and taking over the grill” when the grill hasn’t even been turned on and there’s 30+ people at the bbq already.

Anyway, thought I’d start a thread of most outrageous asks (and your response) related to being known for making good food.

Recently, I was asked to cater a wedding rehearsal dinner by a very close friends fiance, 2 months before a surprise wedding date. She started the convo with “I love your cooking so much, it would be so special and make my wedding perfect if you could just do something casual at our house. Its just a rehearsal dinner but I care more about that than the actual reception the next day”. After the third time she asked, I felt bad saying no, so started going through details amd walking her through it. 30 close family grew to 75+ with nut/shellfish allergies/glutenfree/vegan requests. Simple bbq theme was actually formal seated dinner with filet and shrimp, 4 courses, tons of passed apps and displays, signature cocktails...oh, and their home oven was broken and no storage for prepped food! I was able to talk to my friend (the groom) and explain the mess his house would be in after 75 people used his bathrooms (he has a very fancy/restored/period correct 1800’s estate with only 1 bathroom on 1st floor with the toilet tank on the wall and a pull cord and septic system), and the tire marks on his manicured lawns from 50 vehicles trying to park. I convinced him 2 weeks out to move it to a country club (thank God for the extra push from the weather report of rain all that week!). The bride has yet to speak to me, but at least she got an incident free ceremony!

Today I got a request to bring a “spiced up watermelon” to a friends bbq on sat. When I asked what “spiced up” meant, she said “you know, like make it fancy”. I scooped out as much as I could easily reach as balls, pureed with ginger, basil and lime juice, then froze into ice cubes. I’m bringing that with a bottle of tequila for drinks. If I’m going to have to bring food to someone else’s party, I’m bringing something I want . Oh, and I carved up the watermelon to put on display so the kids have something fun to look at (I don’t think I’ll be asked to contribute again).

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What’s your best “favor from a friend” story?
 
I like that watermelon! And done with a Global no less.

Two friends and I did a wedding for a mutual friend a few years ago. App table, buffet service, loaded and ready when the family octogenarian shows up with a bowl of hard frozen spinach dip "that's always at family dinners". No way to get it hot, no serving utensils, no serving dish. And I was the ******* that didn't serve Uncle Fred's Dip.
 
I‘m not a professional chef but I also got a story to contribute here [emoji4].

I once was asked by a close friends to make a 'little' bbq for the christening of their second child. I was feeling honored and of course said yes. I should have known from the start that this will be something crazy, they own a vineyard and serve very good food themselves so their standards are pretty high.

They asked me to think of something for the thirty people they had invited.

I came up with some vague ideas for a four course meal. Two weeks before the whole thing took place they asked me to specify things so they can write menu cards and that was when I knew I was doomed to stick with everything I have planned.

In the end I ended up getting up at 6:30 in the morning working twelve hours straight preparing a six course bbq dinner for thirty people. I’m glad my wife helped me with the side dishes and a friend fired up the wood grill.

The whole thing turned out nicely without any bigger problems or desasters but I will certainly think twice before I say yes to anything like that again.
 
My first big catering experience was when I was 19. A whole bunch of us (about 25 people) went for a week of skiing in the Swiss Alps. We had rented an old farmhouse way up on the slopes. Things were kind of basic there. No running water (we had a spring about twenty meters from the house; it could be reached by wading through hip-deep snow), and no electricity (we had gas lights).

I foolishly volunteered to cook the dinner for New Year's Eve, after no-one else raised their hand. Bavarian style pork roast, with potato dumplings, red cabbage, and salad. All done in a kitchen with a wood-fired stove/oven and no running water.

I remember it was a good five hours of a lot of hard work. Chopping cabbage and onions, grating potato, getting two pieces of about 3 kg each of pork prepped, cutting up turnips, carrots, celery, etc. It turned out really well in the end, but I was rooted by the time it was all done.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for chefs who cater for large crowds. That's a high-pressure job that requires immense skill, dedication, good planning and timing, and a lot of hard work. Grossly under-appreciated, IMO.
 
Michi said:
I foolishly volunteered to cook the dinner for New Year's Eve, after no-one else raised their hand. Bavarian style pork roast, with potato dumplings, red cabbage, and salad. All done in a kitchen with a wood-fired stove/oven and no running water.
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Now that's impressive. Seems like there are a lot of ways it could have gone wrong :)
 
Worst? Cooking for wealthy middle aged Americans with bad taste. Last minute changes to a set menu. They insisted I added some ’spice mix’ of their favorite variety to the grilled meat. Really nasty stuff. Everything ended up bad. Just terrible.
 
My cousins husband had just finished putting a wood fired pizza oven in their back yard. My cousin asked me if I could teach her husband how to work the fire and make pizzas properly. He had been trying but couldn’t get anything to cook right or retain the proper shape. I show up on a Saturday to teach him and instead of a lesson I’m making pies for 75-100 people.
 
Neens said:
My cousins husband had just finished putting a wood fired pizza oven in their back yard. My cousin asked me if I could teach her husband how to work the fire and make pizzas properly. He had been trying but couldn’t get anything to cook right or retain the proper shape. I show up on a Saturday to teach him and instead of a lesson I’m making pies for 75-100 people.
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Ouch!
 
"Can you man the grill? We need to eat in 20 minutes."

"Sure, no problem"

"The charcoal bags are in the garage."

"Oh so you haven't gotten the coals ready? Do you have a grill chimney?"

"What?"

20 minutes later

"Why aren't you grilling yet?"
 
Neens said:
My cousins husband had just finished putting a wood fired pizza oven in their back yard. My cousin asked me if I could teach her husband how to work the fire and make pizzas properly. He had been trying but couldn’t get anything to cook right or retain the proper shape. I show up on a Saturday to teach him and instead of a lesson I’m making pies for 75-100 people.
Click to expand...

I would have said no. Unbelievable.
 
Carl Kotte said:
Worst? Cooking for wealthy middle aged Americans with bad taste. Last minute changes to a set menu. They insisted I added some ’spice mix’ of their favorite variety to the grilled meat. Really nasty stuff. Everything ended up bad. Just terrible.
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It was one of those Phil-Collins-or-Toto situations: either way you go is crap.
 
Both Phil Collins and Jeff Porcaro were world class drummers. Despite the crap music, there are some elements that can be appreciated.

But there is nothing to appreciate when having to cook for people with no taste whatsoever.
 
My wife is a marine biologist, when she goes out for days on a research cruise she always asks: "Can you prep or make that yummy thing you made the other night so I can take it on the boat and make or reheat it for everyone on the ship?" Oh, and by the way there are 2 vegans, 3 vegetarians, two people who don't eat dairy, 2 pescatarians a couple of people who are gluten-free, and 4 low-carb eaters. Can you make sure it works for everybody? And it will be 3 days before I make it so it has to stay good in the ship's refrigerator for that time. Oh, and the guys who crew the boat don't eat fru-fru stuff, they want meat.
 
I did a private in-home wine dinner for a friend earlier this year. 4 couples. 5 courses. No big deal. Get it all ready and just as I am about to serve first course, one of the women informs me of all her food "allergies", and asks what else can I serve her. I just let out a laugh and shook my head. Gave my friend the biggest "eat **** & die" stare I could muster.
 
This is my favorite thread. More please!

It also makes me really glad that I work in a field that’s functionally useless. (I’m a mathematician, and not an applied one.) Noone even asks me to calculate tips at dinner, since they know I’m bad at arithmetic.
 
ian said:
This is my favorite thread. More please!

It also makes me really glad that I work in a field that’s functionally useless. (I’m a mathematician, and not an applied one.) Noone even asks me to calculate tips at dinner, since they know I’m bad at arithmetic.
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@ian
You should read this then: https://www.maa.org/news/math-news/mathematician-by-day-is-a-chef-by-night

Though some journalist referred to him as "arithmetic and culinary whiz". Not saying he's not good at arithmetic, but....
 
"I'm having a small poker tournament, we normally get pizza but I thought it'd be cool if you made stuff for us." Flattered, I agree. After making ribs, potato salad, macaroni and cheese, and pineapple upside down cake for 30; in exchange for little more than grocery money; I am reminded that I can't spend or eat compliments.
 
I’ve got no problem stepping in after showing up to a party to help with the cooking under one rule. The host themselves must ask me. I have had to have some serious talks with friends that are loud about me stepping in and taking over. Not my place, or my friends place, to step in on the three grill masters poking around and tell them to get out of the way, the host can do that. 90% of the time I say yes unless they had some grand plan that should of been started hours ago. At which point I will tell them the reality and what we can actually do in an hour, and what should of been done differently if they want to serve say a whole pig in the future.
 
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........................HOLY CRAP BATMAN, some of you guys are either to nice or unable to say no. These are some great stories though.
So I have way to many stories along those lines with both family and friends. Many many more stories of terrible last minute changes during functions at various hotels over the past 20 years. Everything from allergies/intolerances/diets/added people....like double and more.
Outside of work I think the one that sticks out the most was a few years back my cigar lounge guys threw me a surprise birthday party.
So I show up at my normal time for a Sunday morning of hanging out and the whole crew is there....all 80 locker members. Everybody is having a good time and handing me nice high end sticks and I get to the back room and they have tables set up with disposable chafers and plastic plates and utensils. I am at this point excited and thinking damn this is going to be an awesome birthday. So I hit them with so what are we eating/who did you guys get to cater?....The club owners son speaks up and says "well chef we didn't really know who could make any food up to your standards so we all pitched in $10 for what ever groceries you need for one of your epic feast". With the blankest stare I could muster I looked at the joksters of the group and ask if they were serious. One of them hesitantly pulled an envelope of cash out of his pocket and said "yeah we all thought that you would love to cook whatever you wanted today" My answer was simply: "You guys suck so bad, someone just go next door and buy a **** ton of ****ing tacos".
******I would love to hear the nightmare story of that day from the Taco shop cooks perspective. I think they ordered like 200 tacos.
 
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Tim Rowland said:
........................HOLY CRAP BATMAN, some of you guys are either to nice or unable to say no. These are some great stories though.
So I have way to many stories along those lines with both family and friends.
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I am not nice. And I don’t have a problem saying no. However, I am loyal even when I have been led to act on misleading information [emoji17] At least up to a certain point [emoji41]
 
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